Pearlyn: living to show the glory of God

2010-01-11T14:13:00.001+08:00

The truth... is... I'm... really reallyyy tired.
Zzz...

Shalom Shalom.

2009-12-15T23:17:00.002+08:00

I just feel...

A bit empty? A bit needy? A bit... in need of the consciousness of His presence in my life.

How apt that the devo for the day is that: Practising the presence of God in my life.

Daddy God, Jesus, I miss the coffee times with You. Shall we do it again soon?

2009-12-10T23:11:00.002+08:00

I was asked yesterday. When do you know that it's time to leave your job and move on? My answer: When there's no more growth. When you feel that there's no more room for learning. But, in my case, there's an added "When 4 years of bond is up". 2 and a half more to go. Time really flies. Not that I'm really actively counting down. Thank God I like my job. And when times are challenging, I still don't hate it.

Tomorrow, taking a trip to KL. till Sunday. My thoughts?

No particular thoughts actually. Hope I'll come back with lots of worthy acquisitions. Muahaha.

2009-11-30T11:57:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it's still difficult to believe.

That I'm actually in a relationship.

What does it mean to be in love?

Is it simply feelings like I'm floating in the air?

Is it just emotions of elate, of smiles and delight?

Or is it more than that.

Something that involves commitment, tolerance, giving-ness, understanding,

Which just involves two people, walking journeys together, sharing each other's burdens, being each other's support, putting their trust in the same Person who holds both their worlds together.

What does love mean precisely?

2009-10-21T08:10:00.005+08:00

Dear Lord,

Something's brewing I think...

Something good. Something YOU. =)

Hope I'm picking it up correctly.

2009-10-20T15:27:00.001+08:00

Dear Lord, let me embark on this 'project'.

For the whole of this week, I shall take time to pray for a particular person everyday.

Let me see a life tangibly changed Lord. Amen.

2009-10-11T22:03:00.004+08:00

can't stop smiling. cupcakes coated with thick colourful icing happy. =) Is this really God's blessing to his beloved Pearlyn?

2009-10-05T09:10:00.002+08:00

After a month of... ... donno what to say........ entanglement with stuff that I don't necessarily welcome........

I feel sligghhtly freer now. The feeling of sitting at my desk and not having anything nor anyone disturbing me.... as much as I would like to say that it's awesome, feels kinda weird.

The kind of sudden inertia that leaves you feeling a little disoriented at the end of it.

It's a good breath to take though! *breathes in and out*

Wonder when it'll last till.

2009-09-04T16:07:00.002+08:00

Suddenly just feel like blogging. THE arrival of the September hols......

TONNES of things remain undone.... nonetheless, Jesus shall continue holding me together...

I can only say...... I'm super undeserving......

Friend: When do we need His grace?
Pearlyn: *pause*
Friend: Every single moment of the day. Because we fail every single moment.
Pearlyn: *nods in humility*

~Jesus covers Pearlyn's mistakes~

2009-09-02T15:50:00.001+08:00

i wanna rant!!! i wanna rant!!!! i wanna.... ARRRRRRRRR !!!!!!!

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =(

Fridayyy!!! comeeee!!!!

2009-08-06T14:57:00.002+08:00

Rarrr! WHY is there SO MUCH THINGS to DO??? Overwhelmed. =(

2009-08-02T22:57:00.002+08:00

sleepy. consequences of boxing up my work time and play time. Ending up 'working' too hard for both. Do I even make sense?

These few days I've been reminiscing.... Paris...... Precious uninterrupted time spent with my Lord..... =)

I like........

Was just browsing through this book at the rock bookshop just now.... "Daddy, will you dance with me?" by Sandra Fosters

Was a very simple book, yet by the end of it tears welled up in my eyes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iecgHUwoBEU

I'm so blessed to have a father like that.......................

2009-07-26T18:11:00.002+08:00

He's doing something in my life. Work in Progress.

Time to tear down. Time to build up. Hopefully all that needs to be torn down was torn down and the rubble cleared. You're doing a new thing in my life Lord. New ground. Fertile ground. Good ground.

Psalms 51 (Msg)
10.
God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
11.
Don't throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me.
12.
Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails!
13.
Give me a job teaching rebels your ways so the lost can find their way home.
14.
Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God, and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways.
15.
Unbutton my lips, dear God; I'll let loose with your praise.
16.
Going through the motions doesn't please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you.
17.
I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice.
18.
Make Zion the place you delight in, repair Jerusalem's broken-down walls.
19.
Then you'll get real worship from us, acts of worship small and large, Including all the bulls they can heave onto your altar!

Use me Lord. I come before You once again. Humbled. The walls that've been built around myself, melt them Lord. Again I come back to You. So much that I still don't understand and see. But it's ok Lord. Rather than continuing to go about my own little merry-go-round and not hearing Your voice clearly, I'd rather You start me over Lord. Again as a child. Amen.

2009-04-29T18:35:00.002+08:00

the term is ending. practicum is ending. seems so...... well let's just say... time flies... cliche as it sounds...

thank You God, for making this beautiful for me! in awe i am. =)

perhaps there really is a meaning and purpose in me being here. make good use of me then Lord, to make a difference while i'm here. to shine ever so brightly, brighter and brighter. Let me touch lives Lord.

Blessed to be a blessing. Because You first love me. Because You first show me Your love, Your mercies, Your goodness. The goodness that pursues and chases me down, all the days of my life. The goodness that makes me smile in the midst of the day. The goodness that gives me room to explore, room to grow. Just talking about Your goodness, puts a smile on my face. =)

For You have fashioned days for me. made pretty. made lovely. made to cruise.

For You have fashioned people for me. to bless me. to love me. to be blessed and loved by me.

It's like... the cup of cuppachino with the decoration on top. the smiley face. I refer to crosstalk cafe.

i'm blessed. not because i'm good. not because i'm altogether there. no no, definitely no. i know where i stand. i'm blessed, simply because i'm loved by the most high. who gives me preferential treatment wherever i go. who sets me before kings. in favour and in grace. who covers my mistakes as in a shield yet corrects me gently with rash irrational step i take. i'm blessed because i have a Daddy God who unceasingly smiles upon me, and says that I'm His beloved daughter, in whom He is well pleased. =) =)

2009-01-30T15:46:00.002+08:00

ok once again i'm bored. nah nah nah. randomly surfing through the web. which essentially comprises of hotmail, gmail, facebook, and some playlist website. oh and msn. such a waste of my time. ticking away. got more work than my pace allows me to. but sian-sation adds to the inertia. maths teaching presentation on monday. no place for me to practise. blah.

ok rest time. ahaha!

2009-01-20T23:31:00.002+08:00

maybe i'm living in a bubble of believing that noone reads this... haha... but then it's ok!! If people do read my entries, it's either because they purely randomly stumbled upon this blog... or, they really do bother...

Either case, it doesn't bother me too much... At least it's not that public.

26th Jan. Practicum posting out. Wonder where I'd be posted to.

Bought a couple of books today at the book fair! Shel Silverstein. and more.

Yizhimei saw its last episode today. Man... 'Yizhimei' as I type it looks like some kind of China clothes brand. haha...

Current mood: sleepily sleepy.

2009-01-20T00:01:00.002+08:00

suddenly just feel like blogging.

loving my new re-found life. for one year i lived in... isolation. welcome back Pearlyn!

commitment phobic. responsibility phobic. oh well.

yay! feel so normal now!!

i speak in parables. lol.

2009-01-04T23:12:00.002+08:00

i'm so happpyyy!!!! My this sem's timetable is awesome!!!!! Yaaayyy!!!!! Phewwww!!!!!

2009-01-01T16:09:00.002+08:00

i wish my life's more organized. i wish i could be free from responsibilities. i wish i could travel the world. i wish some stuff in my life weren't so screwed up. i wish......

i'm thankful that i have an awesome family. i'm thankful that i have parents and brothers who would give me the world. i'm thankful that i'm always loved and sheltered by them. i'm thankful that i have pretty clothes. i'm thankful that i have a beautiful home. i'm thankful i get to travel the world. i'm thankful i'm always surrounded by angels, children. i'm thankful that i have a Person to talk to when all else arounds me spins like a blending machine. i'm thankful that i have the ability to pursue things that i want to pursue. i'm thankful i could enjoy His creation around me. Which includes the beauties of nature. which includes the melodies of music. which includes the sweetness of people. which includes beautiful compositions. which includes the tastiness of food. i'm thankful that regardless of what, i'm still loved. precious. pursued.

2008-12-27T14:57:00.002+08:00

hmm 2008 is coming to an end! it came, and it is leaving. honestly, so many things has happened in the year. so many. this year marks my graduation from university. this year marks me getting over a certain person. this year marks me having awesome girls to shephard over. this year marks me going for my dream trip.

yet also, this year has seen me in a lot of pain. a lot of discomfort. a lot of disillusionment. a lot of seeing ugliness and imperfection in myself. to a point of grotesque.

has it been a year that i can look back to say that it was worth the walk? i can't comment. has it been a year where God's hand was in my life? Yes. Full of it. But that realisation only comes when I look back. Walking it, it seemed filled with rocks and stumbling blocks. a year where there were times where i truly felt like He had left me.

There's so much that needs restoration. so much that needs healing. so much that........
Maybe everything that happened had a purpose to it... only that i don't see that purpose yet.

Am I looking forward to a wonderful year ahead? hmmm......

I just still choose to believe in His goodness. That He will cause Goodness to reign in my life. I know not what to expect in the year to come. I just wish... that He will be God in my life. that He will continue to keep me. Amen.

2008-11-26T00:09:00.001+08:00

exactly what i say. when good things are apparent, praise God. When seemingly bad things come, bleahhh... :(

But watch it! Things will turn for GOOD and GOD in Jesus name!...!!

2008-11-25T01:41:00.002+08:00

mmmm......

happyy. Daddy God is gooooddd to me!

Such a ******. haha. When I see bad things happening, the complaint and doubt queen comes out. When I see good things, Daddy God is goooddd. |||

But He knows me. He knows my quirks, hou kuan, chou kuan. everything. That's what I love about Him.

Why am I happy? Because I can see Him steering the planning of my Europe trip. Woot!

Going to be romanced by Him in Paris, the very country of Romance. Sweeeeetttttt! <3<3

2008-11-24T02:27:00.002+08:00

2.37 am. Endless preparation for my Europe trip. But i like. I enjoy. I look forward to.

tomorrow morning. to send Ah ma to NUH. I'm just glad she's recovering. everytime i think of her i just can't help but recall the very image of her also cupping her hands together in front of her, eyes closed and saying 'gam xia zhu ya so'. Sweeet.

other randoms. went for genrev last sat. indeed i'm entering into another phase of my life. as i look at photos taken by the NUS people, that kind of fun, that kind of times... i see the clear delineation. evitably, inevitably, i'm just no longer part of it. feeling? surreal i guess. and a tinge of envy.

what am i treading into? honestly, no idea. i just Hope in my sure Hope that it'll be good times. no, better times. coming right up and falling into my embrace. looking forward.~~

2008-11-14T12:20:00.002+08:00

ahaha... whenever the bunch of us do arrange to meet up, arrows and darts fly like nobody's business... especially with the presence of my dear beloved bro - which I won't care to mention who.

but, in the midst of it.... i realise that i still like it......

What nostalgia... even the very reminisce of the ongoing almost lethal darts and arrows then... brings me pleasant... very pleasant memories...

If nothing had changed since then, would things have turned out very differently from the way things are now?

Well I can't conclude... naturally... all I can say, is that even though life has steered in directions unbeknown to me, yet i do thank God that at least there is still this avenue where the beloveds do meet up.

Never have I found any friendship as tight as that which once was, even though years have passed. My prayer is that amidst new steering in directions, one of the paths God will land me in would be that whereby I find...... something similar to what I once had? Or would that really be best for me? Nope... something even better than what I once had!

Oh well, yea, wherever He leads me then I suppose. For the paths of the righteous shines brighter and brighter into the coming day.

2008-11-11T23:50:00.002+08:00

i'm free.

suddenly free.

it's like suddenly screeching to a halt after months and months of going.

the feeling is...... kinda weird really. kinda disorienting.

and..... suddenly it dawns on me that I'm going to revert back to a normal... very normal lifestyle.

oh well......

well............. in any case, i'm going to EUROPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Plan plan plan!!!! Exciting.......................!!!!!!!!!

Yaaayyyy!!!!!!

2008-11-05T21:37:00.002+08:00

Boo Boo Head... Rarr...

I can't stand it that I'm so disorganised!!!

Misplacing things all the time... Blah...

2008-10-01T23:16:00.002+08:00

rarrh. i wish i get this over with. really. rarrh.
can't wait to go for my holiday! if i do go at all.

2008-09-29T00:18:00.002+08:00

When I choose to take a step. A new step. again. What in Daddy's world am I up against? up for? Would this really prove to have been a journey worth taking? It's so easy to question myself over and over again whether this decision was a right decision made. Whether it was just but a result of me being too cowardly and faint hearted to rise up to what is given to me. I have no honest idea at all.

But I thank God, for giving me that gift of no condemnation. That whatever journey I choose to embark, or stop embarking on for that matter, He will still prosper my every decision and act. Because I am His daughter. Period. No more, no less reason than that.

I often can't help but wonder why it seems that I undergo so much more than what a 'normal' 23 year old fresh graduate undergoes. I've hitherto placed attribution primarily to my over sheltered upbringing. Maybe I need a metanoia. a change in my mindset. I'm placed and positioned by Daddy God to BE a blessing. Whatever I can or can't do, it doesn't count toward anything with Him at all. Responsibility = Response Ability. Responding to Him and letting Him take me through?

What does it mean to be led by grace? God shall show me.

2008-09-01T22:28:00.003+08:00

Today is the first time I'm really conscientiously sitting in front of my computer, doing part of the large pile of assignments I'm supposed to complete. It actually feels pretty good in fact. Finally, a concrete attempt to get my life sorted.

The revelation that is so salient here. I have JESUS. Something that I almost forgot, even subconsciously. When the mess in my life got the better of me, I just kept letting it get the better of me, and drowned. and drowned. and drowned. deeper and deeper into depths unfathomable. that made me lose sight. lose ability. lose every speck of energy I ever had. question whether there was ever any energy to begin with. I guess this analogy does look apt. It is true isn't it, that the deeper one ventures into the oceans, the darker it becomes? Darkness that is absolutely silent. Darkness that is absolutely solitary. Darkness that is claustrophobic. Darkness that has no escape. That the more you struggle, the more you lose it.

But, what happened to the Light of the World who resides in me? what happened to knowing that I have a JESUS whose Modest Operandi spells S.A.V.I.O.R???

The part about coming to an end of myself, as what I'm often taught, I find it not difficult to see. But the more important part of it, I seem to reduce it to subscript.

HIS STRENGTH IS MADE PERFECT in my weaknesses. I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME. This should be the way.

I have a Saviour who lives in me and empowers me from within. Yet I've been living in a way as though He lives apart from me and that I have to keep pleading with Him to help me.

My God lives IN me. When I am weak, THEN I am STRONG.
I HAVE the LIFE and MIND of CHRIST.

2008-08-25T21:55:00.002+08:00

tired to a point i'm ... ... ...
when i'm forced to face that which i fear to face
when things cave in, and cave in, and cave in...
all over... and over again.
only one thing can i but do.
that is, to draw from my All in All
and trust that He will deliver me out of this
stronger, stronger.

the usual tendencies to withdraw back into solace...
yet i just know that i have to press on, move on...
even though it seems so painful.
Father, be with me, by me.

2008-08-11T23:01:00.001+08:00

i'm so tired and vexed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =(

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............................. Why is life so..........................................????????????????

I'm just tired.

Go sleep go sleep!

2008-07-25T23:06:00.003+08:00

arrr... mesmorized... super mesmorized... arrr......

*shakes head* nope... not what you're thinking... ;p

arrr!!! I wonder if I'll ever see my Joel again!!! ok not mine... haha... arrr so handsome lor!! confirm next time become shao nu sha shou one lor!! just look at what he's done to me and WK!! haha!!

Just went over to Bukit Timah CC to watch a talent show put up by BTPS, PEPS, and NHPS. BTPS band, choir and dance performed. And ahaha!! No prize for guessing what me and WK were trying to do the whole time!! Trying to steal shots of Joel!! haha... he must be thinking how these 2 teachers xiao already la... haha!! Aiyo even the way he siam our cameras also chao cute la!!! Arrr!!! And then Leonard!!!! He FINALLY allowed me and WK to take picture of him!!! And this boy just smiled so widely for us to take him!!! I'm so tempted to post pictures... but then sekali the mummy daddy come find me... haha! (Big grin on my face!! I taught his class a bit... and he's like one of the naughty boys... but... chao cute once you connect with him!! =) )

Ahaha and then the 6 Charity girls... haha... see me only, "Yo teacher"... super cute... well, given that I'm no longer a teacher of that school, I singlished all the way with them. *crossing fingers* that I'm not a negative influence!! Oh did I mention too, I played polar bear with them during class when they were supposed to do constructive work... haha!! In any case, they're from the top class of the school... who's won like math olympiads that hmm... i don't even recall ever taking part in... well, maybe i did la.. and got some certificate of participation or sthg... or was that NSW?? Aiya not important... haha!!
So I reaaaalllllyyy doubt my singlish would really affect them la ar? haha!

Arrr i pray i'll forever love this!!! =) =)

2008-07-22T17:08:00.002+08:00

Heaven's Grocery Store

I was walking down life's highway a long time ago.
One day I saw a sign that read,"Heaven's Grocery Store".
As I got a little closer the door came open wide,
and when I came to myself I was standing inside.
I saw a host of Angels, they were standing everywhere.
One handed me a blanket and said, "My Child shop with care".
Everything a Christian needs is in that grocery store,
and all you can't carry, come back the next day for more.

First, I got some Patience, Love was in the same row.
Further down was Understanding, needed everywhere you go.
I got a box or two of Wisdom, a bag or two of Faith,
I just couldn't miss the Holy Ghost, it was all over the place.
I stopped to get some Strength and Courage to help me run this race,
but then my blanket was getting full, and I remembered I needed Grace.

I didn't forget Salvation, which like the others was free,
so I tried to get enough of that to save both you and me.
Then I started to the counter to pay my grocery bill,
for I thought I had everything to do my master's will.
As I went up the aisle, I saw Prayer and had to put it in,
for I knew when I stepped outside, I would run right into sin.
Peace and Joy were plentiful, they were on the last shelf.
Song and Praises were hanging near, so I just helped myself.

Then I said to the Angel, "How much do I owe"?
The Angel smiled and said, "Just take them everywhere you go."
Again, I politely asked "How much do I really owe?"
The Angel smiled again and said,"My Child, Jesus Paid Your Bill
A Long Time Ago."

Lord, I need to purchase for more wisdom, more favour, more glory in my life. thank you Lord for paying for me and giving them to me!

When life's course goes into turns and twists, i have my Abba Daddy with me... to love, to lead and to guide... =)

2008-07-17T16:17:00.002+08:00

I like to retreat into this world of my own. This world where i just sit and mind my own business. This world where i busy myself with things that give me a sense of purpose; things that spark a light in me!

So odd that indeed words do make or break. Simply just words that proceed from someone's mouth. Yet it is precisely in these words that such rich experience ooze and flow out! It makes me want to devour, yet at the same time slowly savour and chew every precious bit that comes forth. Experiences that... I wouldn't even be doing justice to if I jot them down because I'd certainly fail to capture the original essence within the honey. This is but what I could catch on the inside of me. Hoping that the very bits of me inaccessible to my conscious senses have enraptured every part of the experience! I so yearn to stay and want for more. suddenly, a sleeping part of me has suddenly been awaken! Yet as I just approach the tip of this iceberg, now bids time to say goodbye. What a joke. 3 weeks of passiveness and slowly awaiting the end of this... now as there's but 2 days left, i just wanna squeeze dry whatever else i could!!

What kind of a teacher will I myself become? It's still but a big question mark! I do hope though, that one fine day, I'd be the one taking her position... eliciting so much respect from even a trainee teacher like me now, and giving the exact same advice, and even more, to the curious young heart that seeks and searches.

Let not my heart ever wade and be weary, from wanting to give my all for them.

~such a feast i had.

2008-07-12T23:19:00.002+08:00

i can't believe i've graduated!!!! =) =) yea well ok... i can.... hmmm... i'm starting a new chapter of my life, yet it does not in any sense feel as though i'm starting a new chapter. feels like my new career is nothing new to me. filled with a bundle of joy as i embark on this journey... feeling tweaks of excitement when I think about how i could really make a difference, positive hopefully, to tomorrow's future. to the little ones.

where joy lacks, i wish i'd fill. where wisdom lacks, i wish i'd impart. where skills are uncovered, i wish i'd hone. where a life is, i wish i'd touch. through His life which shines in me.

i've heard of too many horror stories for me to even begin listing here. i pray i shall be set apart from and over all the negativity, stress, inability to cope, and truly enjoy this calling for this season.

it's amazing because initially when i applied for the teaching award, a large part of the reason was because of the monetary incentive. and then God just started to show me how lovely the children are. and i started to really look forward to teaching because i get to see all these cute little things! Ahaha. and then now, i look forward to teach because i get to make a difference in their lives, and play a significant part in moulding their lives. I pray i'll never lose sight of this sense of purpose. =)

2008-07-07T21:16:00.002+08:00

various things that marked today......

i) meeting Dr. Tay and Mei Yi for paper discussion...... suddenly felt useful again... lol... ok not the right word... but i like lor... brain engaging stuff...

ii) cooked! omg i didn't even realise i hadn't cooked for almost a year already!! Since the house renovated! Was just fumbling through the kitchen figuring where's what and what to do with what... and laughing to myself the whole way of how clumsy i was... ahaha!! Hmm... from the times where I was so proud of my cooking (last year) to like now... hmmm... It's like... a... regression... thank GOD my friends couldn't make it for dinner!!!! I can't believe I even invited them!!!! Oh man!!!

iii) oohhh excited for my commencement on wed!!! the perfect clothes are bought for the occasion already... but not the perfect shoes... yet... hmmm...

Yayyy......

2008-06-18T23:07:00.001+08:00

What a simple rose could do…

Such beauty in a rose, many folds, unveiling themselves gently softly, mostly hidden from view, a tint of each fold revealed, all adding up to amount to many tints of prettily unveiled folds of petals, the sum of which greater than its parts. Where tiny droplets of water so carefully sit on the petals, being separate yet as though part of the flower, exuding greater beauty in the rose; just a delicate droplet from the heavens. An outstanding beauty sitting on and supported by a thorny stalk, O how much more can it ever stand out? Such beauty there is, in a rose I say.

-This was actually written by me last year, 2 days after valentines day... hmmm...... wow..... haha!

2008-04-30T20:50:00.002+08:00

hmmmm..... that which i would love to do after my exams.....

oh man... am i really graduating??? University seemed a million years away just a while ago it seems... hmmmmm..................

oh wellss.....

1. I wanna chill at a cafe. omg i don't realise the extent which i love doing this. absolutely. I'd love to spend time with my precious friends.... but at the same time, i'd also love to do it alone sometimes!

2. Well actuallyy...... if money and time permits, i wouldn't even mind going on a short getaway...... chilling by the beach...... in a foreign land where noone except God can intrude upon me.... More and more i'm realising that i am becoming a lover of solace........ wonder if it's a good thing......

3. Hmmm maybe *trying* to bake a hot oozing chocolate mudcake...... seems like a welcoming idea......

4. Complete the cross stitch which i started months ago...... man! why did I even start?

5. Throw the million church things i gotta do to God and ask for the Grace and Joy to do them!!

6. Take my keyboard seriously....... always procrastinating!!! I really wanna learn properly... Want la.... but it's not translating to action!!! bleah!

7. Oohh how can I forget my kidssssss....... Go visit them!!!! I'm sure TLL would be more than happy for me to *finally* avail myself to help them!!!

8. Wait till I think of more things......

9. Wait for NIE to start! Oh man... which reminds me.... Book appt for check up!!! Missed the last date specified.... so like something i'd do... man.... negative confessions.......

Whhooooo..... am i excited for my next phase of life? You bet I am! =)=)

2008-04-14T19:51:00.002+08:00

and suddenly it really dawns upon me... that i'm graduating......

never did give it thought before whether i'd miss school life in nus... school life always seemed so peripheral to church life. Afterall, the people who do mean something to me... most are found in church... I mean... yea most of them are in nus too... but... it's just different la...

but today as Jeremy gathered the class to take a class pic at the end of lesson, i couldn't help but feel a tinge of sadness...... as it reallyy started dawning on me, that this is gonna end soon.

4 years of life in this school... i've always resisted change... but this time, i guess it's not so much of resisting change in my life... in fact i'm pretty excited about it...
looking back.... i feel i've really grown in nus... of course i hope it's not self illusory as what social psych teaches... haha...

seriously though....... i've learnt to be more independent here... to in much sense be less self conscious... i've learnt to walk around/lunch in school alone without feeling insecure... i've learnt to speak up and express myself during class.... (whoa this is really something that God had helped me so much with!... From a girl who'd blush so badly everytime i say something in class... to a girl now who in fact likes to speak up in class... Wow I'd say that is something.) I've learnt so much about psychology... as what i'd always dreamt... i've gained so much insight and favour with people in the field..... my mentors in moe, my lecturers in school... i've met some friends who have added value to my experience in nus.... i've worked with different kinds of project mates.... and learnt to work with different people...

guess my only regrets in nus... are not having gone for sep... and probably not being active in the ccas and societies... but i believe God shall restore me for that... donno how... but ya... i'm hoping i'd be able to join something in nie... lets see where God leads...... =) Oooohhh and..... i pray Europe at the end of the year would be a dream come true!

2008-01-10T23:31:00.001+08:00

a journey that i'm taking... a journey that noone could take for me... that i just have to hold on so close and tightly to my Lord...

it's like being blindfolded... where you know not what lies ahead and around you. In fact, it's so scary because the uncertainty heightens the fear of impending danger... constant wondering about what lurks beneath those folds...

the only thing that i then could depend on... is Jesus... His warm hand around mine... His gentle voice calming my nerves... an awareness of His presence... that He is protecting me, shielding me, defending me from my enemies...

crap i'm damn scared... Jesus... be with me!!!

2008-01-08T12:58:00.000+08:00

I've changed. I know. I feel it too. Circumstances. Things that have happened over the year that has forced me to change. To me, it's a force to grow. Yet to some, it's just simply, 'you've changed'. Some celebrate and rejoice with me; some make me feel uncertain about myself. At the end of the day, even if we thrash things out will it result in a change back to who I was before? I'll bet a no for an answer. Call it irreversible. Maybe.
What then shall I do? Shall I even attempt to do anything? Solidly, no. There will be more times, certainly, that I'll be thrown this in the face again. But if I attempt to do something about it each time it happens, I'll only end up worn and tired. So Lord, once again it is this. 'What can I do, what can I say, but offer this heart O God completely to You'. Fight my battles for me Lord. For my strength fails me, yet again.

2007-04-11T19:36:00.000+08:00

this walk has been precarious. this walk has been filled with rocks and stones and every stumbling block i could ever fathom. alrite it hasn't been that bad. but at least it felt real close to that bad.

i am tired from the walk. i am weary. it'd be so welcoming if i could go into a cave and take residence in there, away from the momentum and sways of the rushing world.

i sense inertia. i sense a desire for nothingness; just to sit in awareness of me and my space, and nothing else.

could i just forget the world, and just sit in nothingness?

that's exactly what i'm feeling now.

NONETHELESS,

i do realise the sillyness of the fantasy. i do realise that there's more to my life than just sitting in nothingness. i do realise that this is but a play of my emotions on me. i do realise that there is so much more goodies in store for me in life. i do realise that my life is surrounded and encompassed with a meadow of beautifully coloured and scented field of flowers. i do realise that despite my groanings and pains i am still very superbly loved by my Father in Heaven, my Jesus, my papa on Earth, and many many many other lovely people. I do realise that i have amazing friends by my side to buffer and cushion all my falls and fails. I do realise that in the midst of what seems to be the shadow of the valley of death, God's grace is abounding more than ever; that in every single step of the way He is just increasing me, placing even more wonders in my life, creating paths for me to unwittingly touch lives, and planting more lives alongside to touch my own life.

I do realise, that this will so be over real soon; the rainbow is just behind the dark clouds. The dark clouds are clearing to make way for Daddy's Light to shine through.

Pearlyn awaits in expectation. =)

2006-12-10T00:24:00.000+08:00

mmm... Tricia's wedding was beautiful... As with all church weddings that i'd been to, it was just so glorious and beautiful. Tricia looked so gorgeous!

Seeing her eyes brim with tears as she made her way down the aisle to meet sean, how we all cheered on and on as she slowly walked past all of us, i can only imagine how she must have felt at that very moment. A moment money definitely cannot buy. I myself was almost moved to tears.

Somehow church weddings are always always so soo different from normal weddings; so much more glory! I'm not being biased. it's a fact and a truth!

When i saw Sean and Tricia, it's like i just saw Daddy's Hand. Suddenly an image jolts into memory. A picture of me at ah gong's wake just a couple of months ago, with pastor Henry leading the svs. And then now i'm seated at a setting where pastor Henry leads again, only that the scenario has changed, the feeling and moods entailing has changed. I really just saw what Daddy God means when His Word says that there is a time for everything.

As i see Tricia and Sean, i just see how He makes everything beautiful in His time =) =)

I simply love weddings.

Oh of course i should add, that i love weddings also cuz i get to dress up! =) no need for further elaboration.

Oh well, it was a very good time to catch up with my nursery darlings too~! How fast time flies eh? My three month break is almost over already! Daddy God, i really cannot make up my mind. I really have got no idea! How am i supposed to leave the ministry, when i see so much success and fruit in it? when my team mates are so awesomely lovely? when i can so picture them walking with me through times to come, to a time when i myself shall be the one walking down the aisle, to a time when i have kids, to a time when my kids enter nursery, to... just life in general.

Can i just continue juggling three ministries? Afterall, ccu is adhoc so it really isn't demanding. Ambs... well slowly but steadily i'm starting see purpose and life in this ministry. Although for sure i cannot say that i am close to the people in ambs. But well as i said, it's slowly and steadily la. =)

Sometimes, honestly i feel, like on one hand i have so many people i know in campus, yet on another hand i feel actually i'm not close to most of them. Honestly, at the end of the day, what is it that matters? Daddy God, if i'm gonna start looking at these things to tell me how loved i am, i really am on shaky grounds. Daddy God, thank you that You love me the most so much unconditionally.

Daddy help me use this Love You have first given to overflow and love others too! In Jesus name AMEN! =)

2006-12-05T23:18:00.000+08:00

Don't need to wait for the sun to shine, don't need to wait for the waves to calm, i'll still sing, i know that my God you're so good! =)
Your goodness, Your mercies, shall follow me all my days! =) =)
I praise You
You are for me
I praise You
Yes You Love me
I praise You
You are faithful
I praise You
You see me through

Wooohoooo!!

You know, it's so easy to fall into a state of jealousy, a state of discontentment, a state of lack.

But you know what, when you see that all you need is Jesus and His love, alone, seriously what lack do i have? For all things are but temporal, but Daddy's Love is everlasting!
Yaay! =)

2006-11-28T12:14:00.000+08:00

my oh my oh my... when was the last time i actually blogged here? hmmm it seems that i say this every time i blog esp of recent. haha. ok not so recent.

Anyways, well yes i have long abandoned this blog and switched over to multiply instead. Multiply is nice...

Nonetheless, when it comes to more private stuff that i don't exactly wish for everyone to get, (based on the fact that via multiply everyone gets email entries of your posts), well i guess here would be a better place la. No. 1 cuz only people who are really interested will purposely drop by to read, and no.2 cuz oh well, i think this blog is pretty deserted already. From the fact that i so rarely post, i doubt anyone really comes by to read. And so, i guess this would be pretty much like an outlet for me to express things i wish to express? oh well.

Exams exams. yes, that time of the year again. And as usual, i'm into the mode of sian-ness. Just can't seem to sit still to study for an extended period of time. sometimes it gets prreettyy vexing. but what to do? somehow rite, i always enjoy studying during term much more than studying during exams. I think it's probably cuz during term time there's studying (as in solid studying) coupled with a lot of other things that are very hao(3) wan(2)!! And so, there's no sian-sation! plus, i don't have to spend an entire day just sitting and only studying! Now during exam period, no excuse!! OR do i? Ya hor, actually why am i torturing myself like this? Why do I have this lack mentality? Why can't I just trust that I have covered more than enough material, and that the memory of the righteous IS blessed!!! WHy should exam period be any more different than non exam time? Ya man!! Thank You Jesus!! My exams are blessed! My results are blessed! Why should I fret like the rest of the world? I have You Jesus!! And You WILL help me!! Lord, give me a blessed exam studying time full of Your shalom, grace, and mercies!! and fill me with Your wisdom in how to study effectively, and what to study Lord!! Thank You Jesus!! I Love You Lord!! <3 AMEN!!!!

2006-08-25T18:24:00.000+08:00

My family. My family whom i so love and adore. My family whom regardless of circumstances will always hold top priority to me. My family whom i will shelter and protect. My family whom i will cherish. Honestly, i do feel very sad that Ah Gong has left us. But at least I know and have an assurance that he's with my darling Jesus in Heaven! Truly as what papa said, why do we want to be so petty over little things now. In the end, all of us still have to go back to Him. I really so endeavour, to be a blessing of love to my family as a start, and to all around me. Lord i love my family so so much. Whilst everyone is alive now, equip me with the ability to be a filial daughter, and grand-daughter. I want to treasure every moment whilst i still have the chance to. At the same time i ask that You protect all of us, as we grow in Your Health, Your Strength! In Jesus name, Amen.

2006-04-22T23:33:00.000+08:00

I'm so glad i've walked through this season. Finished. Wan le. Mott Leew. Owarimashita! (k that's about all the languages i noe haha) Now, i know that my 1000X blessings awaits, awaits its manifestation. Well i was just pondering. Maybe i really didn't need to walk thru that dreadful season. If I had just been able to trust Him fully that everything'd go smoothly, then maybe i wouldn't have had such a painful time. Actually from then till now, though things'd improved a lot, yet in actuality, in fact, technically speaking i am still facing the challenge so to speak. Yet, the way i look at it now, as compared to previously, is so different. Call it a change in appraisal. Whatever. But, compared to a few weeks ago, my opinion about this whole thing is so different already. And i really can see His Hand in this now. Praise Jesus. I feel like i've already walked through it. Amen!

And..... there's another thing too! that one, I've really really already walked through it. As in i'm so through with it. Really. Thank God. Thank God that I don't hafta compromise on His promises of the best for me! Well cuz this is a public blog, I shall not care to mention what exactly I've been going thru lest... people stumble? haha

Can dreams really come true?
Now, a very very major door of opportunity seems to be open to me! I really really pray that everything will go through very very smoothly! AMEN AMEN!
When i'm done with all these, if this gets through, I'll be on my way to fulfilling my dream! I so thank God that I'm already on a journey of fulfilling my dream~ that He gave me this opportunity to pursue psychology in university. My life long dream. If this door open is really from You Lord, then I'll really be on my part 2 way to fulfilling what I've always wanted to do. Picture this.
Pearlyn Lee. Educational Psychologist. MBA.
Whoa! Blows my mind! K that doesn't sound like a very apt and civilised way of phrasing. haha. But well, whoa...... I shall call forth the things that are not as though they are!
Dreams do come true...

2006-04-04T23:38:00.000+08:00

Walking thru this valley, feeling a tint of bleakness. Thank God this does not depend on me. For if it does indeed it speaks of doom and gloom. Tomorrow. I am fearful to the point of... point of I don't know what to say. But Lord, I know that You are leading me. You've not failed me before, and certainly You will not fail me now. Lord, I bare my heart and soul to You Lord. I surrender. I so surrender. I can't do anything at all. Lord increase my health in this area Lord, And let not my finances suffer Lord. Lord I really know not what lies ahead tomorrow Lord. I so Hope that I don't hafta go back there again and again and again. Lord Help me!
~All About You. Never about me.~

2006-03-05T20:09:00.000+08:00

pastor terry mize playing in the background. me totally not paying attention. feelin so restless now. supposed to be doin my slides for my presentation comin. in the mood? not. always bein so uptight on sundays. Relax man Pearlyn. I cud almost swear that it's cuz i haven't been havin school on mondays for ALL the past sems 'cept for tis sem. and so i just can't psyche m'self appropriately for sch on mon. lesson learnt. choosing monday lessons nxt sem? not so. o'cuz.
whatever. yea i do realise that i haven't been bloggin. and, prob noone visits anymore. rite do i care? when i write yea it is kinda to let out stuff which i can't otherwise do sometimes. not exactly can't. just... oh well just when i don't feel like tellin neone verbally.
probably it is not unobvious, that i'm not exactly in the best mood now. next week on, ohhhh no more *tryin* to study no more on sundays. not unless i've got company! i probably SHLD initiate to the others that we all go study together after church again as in last semester. Yea i shall. either that, or before church. or something. whatever. i just don't wanna be workin alone on a Sunday. i need more life than that.
awy, i had a nice sunday servin today. oh well when do i ever have a bad sunday in church?
love of my life. the kids are... awesome. my Joash....... awww.... pity i can't upload the pics i took with him cuz of some technicalities. haha. nxt time. oh and then, yea i've got a new job again. i so love it how and when i always manage to get jobs without ever needin to consciously look for it. i'm gonna give tuition. primary 1. English. cool.
oh rite, i'm startin to feel better already. maybe mr or ms anonymous is rite after all. this blog does psyche me up. ok i shall hence try to really get down to business with my work. Above and never beneath! My Lord IS always FAITHFUL! "kampate!"

2006-03-04T22:26:00.000+08:00

ok... i so noe that i'm supposed to get started with my cog psych essay now.... but suddenly i have an urge to blog.... after like a zillion years... yes Pearlyn is back... haha. well in the recent times i've taken to the good ole writing method in recording my awesome Life down on pen and diary... and so yep, my 'attendence' here have begun to drop immensely. haha!
and so, here i am, as i shall be occasionally, to update people who in the slightest chance still check out this blog... given the inactivity...
well, i'd hafta say, that in the past 2 months, my life have been full of ups and downs, with the downs more particularly highlighted somehow. i don't exactly wish to elaborate regarding the issues involved... studies... plus another thing... u noe it's just so stupid, that when people stumble or go through the dreaded valley, everything else seem diminished... Seriously, retrospectively, there were blessings... many... yet those just seemed so unimportant and insalient in the face of my challenges. But, as usual, God IS so faithful. In the latter, which was my main area of challenge, i've begun to see such a breakthrough! Praise Jesus! and I pray it just becomes more and more glorious! and then in terms of my studies, Lord i really really really gotta trust You... Though in more areas than one, i've seen His hand on my studies, yet there are so many areas of concern... especially toward my Jap and Biopsych. :( But oh well, what shall i say? He has always been so faithful. And i just know somehow that He will continue to see me through ALL these different seasons in my life!
OK... i'm going to really start on my cog psych essay... til the next time where i feel like blogging, and do have the liberty of time for a more elaborate blog, tata.

2006-01-11T17:16:00.000+08:00

right. i really have not updated this for SO long! haha. i realise that i've left certain things hanging. more particularly in the terms of my results. i'd just wanna say, that my God is just so faithful. After all those trying times whilst attempting to study for the exams last sem, God did what seemed almost impossible. He gave my results higher than what i'd asked for at the beginning of the semester. my CAP was actually even higher than 4.0, which was what i had asked. I wouldn't go into the exact details, but it really is sthg that is so awesome to me. :) And it just so reminded and comforted me in the Hope that i held on to, which wouldn't fail.
And well, i'd just returned from the ultra superbly blessed trip to thailand on sat night. Needless to say further, it was an AWESOME trip! going on a trip with my most favourite people in the face of this Earth, at this point in time at least, it really rocks! it really was a bit like a cg cum family outing. my cg, my parents, xuehui's mum. haha. :)
hmmm i was so glad that i could speak the language too! not ultra fluent, but more or less there i'd say. it was afterall the medium where we experienced their life, their public transport, what buses to take here and there? haha. not like they didn't really understand english. but, oh well.. let me take pride a while la k? haha.
And... there was, the shopping! period. does this need further expounding? haha! did my hair, did my nails, in MBK, which was great! bought my clothes, bought my bags etc etc. ahahha! my most favourite place? Chatuchat! had many erm... experiences there, but, still it was amazing! did i mention that it was HUGE? haha. give me 3 days, and then i'd be confident of covering the place completely.
oh i went to pat phong too. it was... pretty scary actually. the whole time, especially in the beginning after a group of guys uttered some nonsense to me, i was really traumatically preoccupied in making sure i was safe, keeping close to the guys. after which i began to feel more at ease; i was impressed by the fact that some of the guys strudded through the entire market with such stead and coolness, making me feel so protected. hiya well well, all that for an exchange of a sense of accomplishment la, haha. for people who don't know, this is a night market, made known for its erm immense night life. To say that it is the equivalent of Singapore's geylang would be an understatement in itself. walking thru dozens of nightclubs, people dishing brochures into our hands, promoting their 'adventurous' shows to especially the guys, etc etc. it was... interesting. indeed an eye opener i would say.
Hmmm... and then there was khao san market. didn't exactly look around much there as half the time we were trying to look for ben and my parents after being separated from each other. but, the event of the evening, at least for me and a few of the guys, was the locust eating part. everyone ate the maggots. eww, looks gross even as i type here. nvm. moving rite along. and then john, then tathwan, then my dad, then i ate the locust. talking about sense of accomplishment. haha. honestly after that i felt abit defiled. can u believe that? haha. But i was just reminded of my no condemnation in Christ, and then it was ok. haha!
hmmm.. there was another market that was not too bad too. the one we visited on our first night. oh ya, suan lum. was good. especially the massage at the end of it. i was so favoured! i got a much longer back massage than all my friends for the same price paid. Long story. haha.
Oh man, i still have like pages to write. Talking about favour, John and Ben were upgraded into a suite. Not quite favour for ben... haha. but lots for Jonh. Shan't explain why la. And... all of us came back with a different hairdo. i think the one who looks most transformed is Kim Seng! haha i really gotta say that he looks MUCH better after the hairdo. haha! etc etc etc etc... so much more to write. how? oh well forget it. it was just a very very extremely blessed trip la!

2005-12-05T01:37:00.000+08:00

rite. since i'm now waiting for a cd to be burned finish, i might as well take the time to blog here. Seriously, i'm kinda losing interest in blogging. It's like, i feel that there are quite certain things that i cannot really write here, so in a way it's kinda... restrictive? yea...
well anyway, i'm really quite sorta excited about tmr! going to check out prices of air packages to Bangkok in people's parK! So EXCiTinG!! Ooh! i get to go tour with my friends whom i love and adore! And, my parents who are of course people dearest to me! It's perfect! Lord i pray it'll all go super smoothly and that we'll get the BESTEST prices in town! In Jesus name! Amen!
I super duper love my friends! my cg! when i feel sad, or down, i just gotta think of all of them, and i'd just very automatically feel much better. It's like, our friendships are so pure, so much that i could just really tell them how much i love them without feeling embarrassed about it. That, of course is referring to the guys. Never have a problem telling the babes that i love them. heh :) Ok there are still like the newer guys that i would have a bit of a problem with, cuz well, i think it's cuz i don't know them too well yet. But well, Lord i trust that You would bring us closer so that any sorta barrier would be eradicated. In Jesus name, Amen!

2005-11-26T11:27:00.000+08:00

oh man. i miss jo.. i really do... she is just so anointed, and so strong in Him. I just spent some time reading through her most recent multiply entry, which i so always enjoy doing so cuz of no.1 her very beautiful style of writing and no.2, more importantly, the beauty of her journey with Him, as i always see her being so strengthened by Him, in every circumstance. Lord, that is the kind of life i yearn for, the kind of journey i desire. A double portion. Can i have a double portion of that anointing? sometimes i just feel, that life's so much of a contradiction of me. A moment's laughters, another's tears. Having a whole foray and myriad of emotions striving for foremost place in all of my predicaments, sometimes it just feels as though life is just slowly being drawn away from me.
Indecisiveness. the very element that is so innate in me; the very element that always disgusts me. Sometimes i feel that I am a walking contradiction no doubt, certain times waiting, pinning for things i shouldn't yearn for, at others giving up affairs i never should. The worst part of the entire thing, is that more than half the time i know not what i should have held on to, and what i ought to have let go.
Why am i letting gloom dominate at this point? is it totally attributable to the studying for exams that have been so mercilessly boring, or is it just a well part of one of my current episodes of indecisiveness, and canny unknowingness of what i ought do?
I say a mixture would do good in explaining. Pardon me, but at this point i feel justified in using a most familiar (to me at least) statistical term to explain a phenomena like this. Mediation. indecisiveness --> exams-->gloom; or does it work the other way? see, my point exactly. whatever.
Well at least, at least i have a Hope. At least i know for sure, that my God WILL bring me through this eventually nomatter what junk i seem to feel now. At least i am secure, in knowing, that this too shall pass away. That, when i am weak, then He is strong. Something that John brought up a few cgs ago, which i've since clung on to. At least i know i'm not Pearlyn of the past, having gloom and expecting doom. I HAVE a HOPE. A Hope which never fails. Beat that.

2005-11-21T23:12:00.000+08:00

what happens, when like u know u really should be continuing studying cuz there's exams the very next day and that u know that u aren't exactly super confident in it, but u really really do not wish to study anymore cuz no.1 it is so darn dry, and no.2, more significantly, u are in fear, and u don't know what to study anymore. Sighs. Yes it is so. My mood for the moment. Rite i really shouldn't be confessing this sort of thing. Oh Lord.
I've really done what i could. At least according to my own estimates. How shall i face this? Will my Lord come true for me this time? Hiya nomatter what, all things WILL work out for GOOD! I choose not to let go of this promise!
Oh ok... ya ya... i should go back to study. Wisdom and Favour be multiplied unto me in Jesus' name! Amen!

2005-11-15T00:37:00.000+08:00

eeeekkkksssss!!!!! me do not like to study at all!!!! me wants to play!!!!! me cannot concentrate for crying out loud!!!!! me thinks out aloud!!!! "Oh God!!! How???!!!" eeeeeekkkkksssss!!!!!
me has many things in me mind!!!! me wants to get out of here!!!!! me feels burdened!!!!!! Not supposed to be like that!!!!!!!! Exams! When art thou be o'er??? Rescue me from the brim of.... boredom?! and stress!!! what irony!! eeeeekkkkkssssssss!!!!!! eeeeeekkkkksssss, double the eeeekkkkssssss and triple the eeeeeeekkkkkkkssssssss!!!!! *SCREAMS* (rite, not like i'm literally doing that now. well at least figuratively. at least i kinda feel better at least doing this figuratively.) arghhh... Eeeeekkkkkkssssssssssss! Oh just let me do this. Yea yea not particularly a good testimony...... yea yea...... but well, still......... eeeeeeekkkkkkssssssss!!!!! argghhh...
okays. Over. Whatever.

2005-11-14T14:36:00.000+08:00

okay i know i'm supposed to be studying now instead of wasting precious time typing away here. But........... i really ain't got the mood to study!!! ok maybe it's just a drain after the morning's studying. Or so i hope.
This semester, has been a semester, that... in the end God's grace is the only thing that'd pull me thru. I certainly do not hope that next sem, or the sems to come would be as tough as this sem.

oh well, it's time for me to get ready for work now. Seeing some of my darlings, for one of the last times? hope not. Ah well.. Hope regene emma they all will love what i got them.

Finally, Lord, Bless me! I ain't nothing without Your blessings. Help me in my most trying times!
In Jesus' name, Amen!

2005-11-09T11:07:00.000+08:00

ask me how i'm gonna do well in my developmental psych, as with all my other modules. Frankly, i have got no idea. by my might, please, forget it. But i know that my God is greater than what i could ever imagine, and He has gone before me to set my ways straight and prosperous. I rest in You Lord. Help me.
This week has been so tough for me. So rough. Tears behind the scenes. Quarrels, fights etc etc. Relationships. School work...
Yet, You sent ur angels to cheer me up. Particularly thankful and grateful to Sulin. Such a dear. Lord i choose to have Hope in You Lord. Above all things. I choose to think that my rough days are put to a stop now and that You have got so much more blessings in store for me. Lord i choose to trust in You despite how weary i am, how hopeless i feel in the natural. http://i.euniverse.com/funpages/cms_content/2529/4candles.swf special thanks to mummy's email link. Put a smile on my face. She doesn't even noe anything that i'm going through, yet so timely. Indeed, my Father's kisses from heaven.

The dream. I suddenly thought of the dream i had this morning. Almost drowning in the oceans. Praying together as a family in the Spirit amidst the whirls of the oceans surrounding like a roaring tornado. And then a sudden build up of an ark from mere wood by itself. And then a sudden transformation of us into the ark. Me being so safe in the ark. Another me sleeping and resting all along on the coasts. How prophetic. Yes Lord, no more in the evil day. I rest Lord. I rest.

2005-11-06T20:31:00.000+08:00

Today, i feel... ermm... well... i learnt many things, and had a good experience.. more importantly, i saw God, working so real-ly. awesome. Jesus. Renewing my mind. completely. Praise God anyway. In charge, He is. Lovely, He is. All's safe and secure in His arms. Pt in note. Full admiration toward a sister. hope in being a sister. All's not lost. Disjointed. yea. nvm. heh. now what. what else. back to the books. after my shower. enjoy i shall. :)

2005-10-27T22:13:00.000+08:00

hmmm... indeed i haven't been updating this blog for just about the longest time. haven't had the time. my projects have been exasperating! initially i thought that when i finish being busy with my projects i'd be very happy. Now, that most of it is more or less done, i'm instead having feelings counter to what i'd expected. Disclaimer. It's not that i'm not happy. Only that, well i find myself entering into a state of 'now what'. Am i the only one feeling this way? or can someone relate to what i'm saying? i've been devoting all my time - whatever that's left of it after considering school time, church time, work time, - into doing my seemingly endless stream of projects, without having the slightest time to take out any form of revision material to read much less revise; and then finally when the projects come to a more or less standstill and finality, when i suddenly have the time at hand to study the texts, i enter a state of 'i-don't-want-to-do-anything-NUS-related-now' So, visavis. describe this feeling. ok i have no clue why i'm using visavis in this context. Just sthg i just feel like saying out of the blue. Heck. must i explain? heh.
Oh well, since i'm stuck in this weird state now, i might as well rave on here, and just enjoy His presence. i am curious myself, to see what i'd be led to write following this.
Foremost, i'd like to make a statement that perhaps only i would understand when/if i ever do look back at this entry. that is, i was not ready at 17, i still am not ready at 20, and i have no idea if i ever would be, much as i'd like to be. Jesus has to help me. period. that's all i'd say. Moving rite along.
I'd like to say, that God has been wonderfully good to His beloved Pearlyn! Been so blessed! Just looking at this week, i've indeed been so undeniably blessed. Learning Ladder is such a blessing to me. The precious little ones are SUCH adorable blessings. I feel like they're just kisses from Heaven for me, His Pearlyn. Life with them in my life has taken a new tone. Lets just say, this could perhaps be likened to... an already very yummy mango cake having more and more layers added unto it. *sudden craving for mango cake! or durian cake! rite maybe i'm just hungry.*
Another thing would be my PL2132 presentation. that it went well with me presenting, with me choosing to want to see Him work and not take the easy way out. til now i'm still very much in awe. this probably doesn't mean anything to anyone else save for myself. but, well that's all that matters rite? That's why i'm a fervent believer, that my Jesus speaks and touches all His beloveds at their individual levels. I'm very glad that i chose to trust Him and take this step of faith. Even then, i gotta say, thank you Jesus that You gave me the courage to take this step.
Don't understand rite? Don't matter. Jesus understands. :)
My Jesus is very BIG. He really is. Pearlyn, look here, if You're down and u happen to read this entry, listen, Jesus is very BIG! Abba Daddy is very BIG! He will not let u down!
Alrite, think i shall stop here and try to do sthg about this weird state i'm in. Oh before which, i shall write in a last thing. i'm so amazed and awed regarding my working tmr.
Ok the thing is, i'd wanted to go to visit the children as they celebrate halloween tmr, plus i promised emma i'd try to make it. But later, i realised that sulin wasn't gonna be around. And so, i decided i might feel a bit weird there. Not working, but just being there. Hiya dunno la. maybe it's just me. heh. And so i kinda told God that it'd best if i could be there to work, instead of visit. And, just as i was feeling that way, sulin herself msg'd me last night to ask me if i could cover for her from 2-5 on fri, that is tmr. i tell u, at that moment, it was like, my goodness. of course i agreed without hesitation! i didn't even formally pray or anything. He just brought it to pass for me like that. Tell u, my God is not only a good God, but a very very awesome one for that matter! Praise God!
Okaes, it shall be the end here. til next time, whenever that might be. heh.

2005-09-24T00:28:00.000+08:00

it has been... long. haven't had the time, mainly time, to blog... to really sit down to reflect, and enjoy a wonderful time with Him via this avenue. Today, marks sthg different in my life. Feelings like things ain't gonna be the same anymore. Know wat i mean? In a good way i mean, that is. I'd say, that alieu many others, this season of my life, or our lives for that matter, is gonna take quite a turn. I thank God that He has ordained the turn, that it is just gonna turn out to be very very glorious! And i seriously believe, that Faith is ordained to be my overseer for this season in my life, that i'm just gonna be able to glean so much from her. Really praise God for it. For this entry, I'm gonna be very simple. No facade, no attempts of "sophistication", just Pearlyn. Just now as Kaizhen was sharing, i was just reminded of so many things that God has promised. Things which in my busy schedule, self adsorption so to speak, have been so forgotten and laid aside. Particularly, i was very touched when everyone started to share about serving. About how serving is to firstly bless myself, and how God'd be so faithful to see me thru it all, how He has promised to work all things out. Honestly, i so didn't want to share, and so prayed that Kaizhen wouldn't target me (which i so anticipated coming). But alas, she called me. And... i was so amazed that i could share. And how there and then, i just knew, that i'm called to this ministry for a purpose, and i just will not walk thru it and see nothing come out of it. My time in ambs will not be wasted time, but an anointed one. Particularly liked it when KZ said that availibility means more than ability. This is sthg that i'd heard before, in fact, but had never really sunk in my heart. But somehow, just now it really hit me. Lord, I pray, that You will show me, and i shall not walk this journey wasted, and getting nothing out of it. I want to see Your goodness and mercy in this! That You alone be glorified! Praise You Jesus!
Another thing, was sthg that Faith said. Though we go thru changes all the time, there is one thing that does not change. That is, His love for us. Which is the same yesterday, today and forever. Such a simple truth. But so powerful and impactful to me. Cuz that is the very basis that we lean our faith upon. Sthg eternal, that will never change regardless of anything.
And then, also during supper, Faith shared about just believing, and placing myself at a posture of "I am His Favourite". Really. Power in that. Just believing that could make such a difference. Can u imagine, if u're His Favourite, are u not in the best position to receive everything He has for u? Oh how great His love is, is sthg i could and would never be able to understand. And that spoke to me too! Lord i want my Thailand trip. As Your favourite. Most favoured! I receive! Lord i want my good grades. As Your favourite, most favoured, I receive! Lord i want my family to be so tremendously blessed! As Your favourite, most favoured, I receive! etc etc! I receive! For You started a good work in my life, and You will maintain it! Because, Pearlyn is the disciple whom Jesus loves. Praise You Jesus!

2005-09-08T23:49:00.000+08:00

shoots it didn't quite work afterall... oh well...

2005-09-08T23:32:00.000+08:00

wow! It works here too! ฉันชอบมาก! Haha wow! what a wonderful way to blog! only that... ช้าหน่อย plus i think i haven't fully figured out the entire seq. so บางคำ still missing. or not? hmmm... anyways, ฉันคิดว่า เขีนดีกวา! Oh well!

2005-09-08T00:34:00.000+08:00

since i'm waiting for my notes to print, i shall blog abit. I've been feeling real busy. Like real busy. Which is why i haven't been blogging i guess. but oh well, i am still happy Pearlyn la.. Only tired.. haha.. Nvm, my God shall supply all my needs!!! Oh, and i really wanna go for immersion now! Again, God shall supply! cuz only He could anyway! :p
Alrites, that's all the time i could afford. Ciao. :)

2005-08-31T22:26:00.000+08:00

praise Jesus!
i had SUCH a lovely time with Deborah just now, and then a very very pleasant dinner with the learning ladder staff. Wow it's so incredible! I'd never imagined that there'd come a day where i'd go for a function so to speak, as a teacher. It was a teachers' day dinner in seoul garden bugis by the school in appreciation of the school staff. My goodness. I did feel honoured indeed.
Yea anyways, i was very very blessed by Deborah just now. It's like, just meeting her alone made me happy. That's the beauty of being sisters in Christ! We can not meet for the longest time and then still have things to talk about! Love her :) ~*me Lurves catching up with moi sisters in Christ, o'er a cuppa, or o'er just a nice chat*~ O i got blessed a pair of earrings just now too! My God is so gracious!
Alrites. i shall not type too much... cuz... i gotta do work! Ah well.. i work not becuz i want to do well (though that is a highly desired byproduct), But i work becuz i enjoy my work, in Christ! I wanna enjoy Christ! Amen! :P

2005-08-28T21:50:00.000+08:00

much as i'm really really super duper tired now, i shall blog. Becuz, today was a fantastic day for me. I served the whole day; but i'm happy.
Starting from morning, serving in the nursery. Few things marked "achievement" for me in some sense.
1) i did my storytelling with much more success than before, with minimal prep. Praise God and God alone!
2) i cleaned up Ethan who "poo-poo'ed" on his diapers. This is sthg of the likes of a breakthrough. Really. Never ever dared before. Again, praise God!
3) Kinda pacified some crying babies, etc etc.
Overall, there was a sense of achievement along with the tremendous sense od fatigue.
Rite, and then there was serving in ambs for 3rd and 4th svs.
I don't noe if i ever mentioned here about how uneasy i got with serving here. But yea, for a long time i've been feeling that way. Well to cut a long story short, i got a chance to speak to this girl that i just got to noe today, who was prev from ambs too. And sthg she said was so powerful to me. She said that Jesus is the fisherman who brings in the fishes, and i'm the net that DOES NOT BREAK, to haul in the fish. It was very very powerful. In light of what i've been facing and feeling. Shall not elab. Well, i'm more certain about giving this ministry more time now. And i believe i WILL see fruits!
Whoa, it was only until Eugene mentioned, that i realised that i'm actually serving in 3 ministries effectively. Nursery, Ambs, and CG. Never really saw the CG in the light of serving, but ya come to think about it, yea it is inclusive. Oh well, God brought me thus far, and God will bring me through! Amen.

2005-08-27T15:16:00.000+08:00

i have decided. i'm gonna rest in Christ nomatter what. Shall stop all this nonsense of undue stress cuz of school. My God is greater than all these things! i don't depend on my performance to be successful! Much as i really want that 4.0 cap, it shall NOT bog me down! So what if i don't do well? Whatever! i shall NOT stress! My God is MORE than ABLE!

2005-08-23T22:10:00.000+08:00

okaes i shall update my blog now for a while, before trying to get back to the books. hmmm...
well, i had my first thai tutorial today. boy was i intimidated? there're 6 ppl in my class, and ALL of them speak excellent thai la! i felt like i was the worst there. Seriously! It's like, after not touching the lang for almost 4 months now, it's really gone rusty for me, but i am appalled at how there's this girl who had lapsed 1 or 2 sems and like she speaks far better than i do! Am i ashamed or what? haha.
Ah well, i so refuse to believe that i'm the worst! I'm gonna take this week to really brush up i tell u! Head and not the tail!!! Amen! Amen!!
Just now, i found out, that there's probably gonna be a thai emersion (is it spelt this way? haha) at the end of the year. Initially when i heard about it, i was very keen to go. Well, this is, a chance of a lifetime afterall rite? but, after thinking further, i realise there are quite a no. of factors that'd stop me from going. No.1: most importantly, it's the M factor. It's gonna cost between 1000-2000 dollars for the month, not including personal expenses. Seems ok, but to me, it's a lot! Plus, if i somehow manage to save that much, it'd probably mean that i won't be able to afford my long planned holiday with my cg people anymore. :( me is one who don't like my plans spoilt! especially when it's such nice plans. No.2: if it's gonna be at the end of the year, that'd mean that i'd miss Christmas here. And Christmas here's Sooooo awesome! Last Christmas did certainly mark a very very nice warm fuzzy time for me, spent with my church friends and family. Nostalgia even as i speak. Imagine having to spend Christmas there without my friends? Moreover it's a buddhist country. Will probably not be so nice? But, somewhere in me, i still wanna go! Am i lost or what?
Hiya dunno la. Lord You help me k? Help me provide for my every need. Every decision, let it come from You! AmeN!

2005-08-14T20:16:00.000+08:00

i'm so blessed. repeatedly i say this. But it is so true. No specific reason, simply cuz my Jesus loves me. hmmm just now i had a good time with my cg + youhe + james. It was quite funny cuz somewhere along the way we started talking about our chinese names, and then it drifted to speaking hokkien and stuff. There began my 'rubbishy crappy debate' with kimseng. Honestly, many times i marvel at how much crap i can conjure. Days back, i really sat down to reflect. And i really realised how much i've changed from before. This which i'm gonna say, is not a very good change, it appears to me. Last time, i was never, or at least i don't remember being, so noisy and full of crap. It's now sthg that is at the back of me bothering me, but well i'm not, or rather, can't do anything much about it. Sob! What happened to me?!
haha. But oh well! I am transformed according to His image from glory to glory. So, although in this aspect i don't feel so at all, in faith i believe la. Well at least i'm no longer that insecure Pearlyn that i was anymore. So in that way it is good la. hehe. Hmmm... maybe cuz i'm not so insecure anymore that i'm secure with being crappy Pearlyn? Ok am i lost or wat? haha.
Anyways, i noticed, that in the entire span of time that we were fellowshipping, i blushed quite a no. of times. I sure hope that they didn't really notice it, haha. U noe, in the past i used to be SO uncomfortable with the fact that i blushed easily. SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE. But, really i slowly learned, that ah well since i can't do anything about it, i shall just be comfortable with myself and accept that i do blush easily. No point trying to change sthg that i can't rite?
Anyways, i really oughta start on some readings already. It ain't nice if it starts piling up. Shall start tmr! yep!
Oh, Hengtin was suggesting going jb again soon, which i totally support! JB was so fun. The makan fellowship was really really awesome! I wanna go there to watch movie! 10 ringgit!! Like, how cheap is it?!
Oh i love my life. Honestly i do. When pastor Mark was doing the communion just now, i teared. Cuz what he shared about his life last time so reminded me of my family's life in the past. And there and then i was just so awed by how good He has been to this family, how transformed this family is now, and how i saw that even as we weren't saved yet, He was already keeping us, preparing us for His Kingdom. Praise Jesus.
Alrite, me is done with this entry. :D

2005-08-10T10:32:00.000+08:00

rite. i'm happily typing away here whilst everyone else is doing proper school related stuff on the com. ah well do i care? haha. Joy's sitting beside me now, and she's busy printing her notes. I feel like SUCH a slacker. Hmmm, so began my 8am lecture on the very first day of my return to NUS. It ain't so bad this time, really. In fact, it ain't bad at all this sem. Honestly, for me to be able to sit here and say that i totally do not feel any apprehension wrt to school, that, is something new. U noe why, cuz no.1 i know God loves me and that's all that matters, in that my status stands at 'His beloved'; and no.2, i know that i'm not without friends! Ok how shallow and insecure can i get? But it's true, really. Just harbouring the knowing that i have my darlings all around for me makes me just have the boldness to do anything here in nus. Even if it means going for lectures alone, and getting to know more mere acquintences, that don't matter. Becuz at the end of the day, i still have my Kingdom friends! And those, are THE friends that are truely worth knowing! And, by God's grace, i'm sure in this term forth, more shall be added in my path. More Godly friends; more kisses of Heaven. How cool is that? Very, in my opinion. Sthg that deacon once said strikes very deep in my heart. He said sthg like, how cool u are is not determined by the people and circumstances around u, but by how comfortable u are with urself. That is so true. Many people live their lives for others, portraying images according to others' measure of acceptance, and live a life of complete subdueness if i may put it that way. I honestly respect people who dare to be different; be themselves; set an atmosphere. (Of course i don't mean that they should have total disrespect and disdain toward their dressing and grooming. Like, don't eew people out rite?**,) Frankly, i haven't reached that state yet. But compare the Pearlyn now and the same girl 3 yrs ago. Big difference. I rest my case.
All right, i'm getting bored. So is joy. haha. Maybe i shld end off now. I got tonnes to share about my experience in JB with my darlings, and that in Malacca with my beloved family. But, that shall be nxt time la! haha.

2005-08-01T23:48:00.000+08:00

hopefully, hopefully, i won't get outbidded again for thai! Lord! Help me!
Lord, so many things call for my attention. This, that, everything. The worst thing is that, i know it is undue attention, only that my heart is troubled. Lord, You have been Lord over our lives for so long now, and i know beyond a shadow over doubt that You are faithful in keeping us. So Lord, guard all our hearts Lord, from worrying, from fret. Thank You Jesus, that in this is love, not that i love You, but that You love me!

Today, i had a real blessed day out with heng tin. She is a special girl. I've said that before, and i'll say it again. Really one of those who catch my heart... in just the glory of the Lord shone thru her. And i thank God, that He has brought such people along my path, to bless me. And Lord, i pray that i'd be able to bless her as well. Who am i, but a vessel in Your kingdom? Use me Lord, to Your glory.

Managed to get to AFR on time, in fact early, today. Cuz somehow all the parents came to pick 'eir beloveds pretttyy early. Less money for me, yet more time! Slowly, made my way there. the jam was pretty fun, especially when the gals were 'pit' against the guys. 2 guys, for that matter, vs well, many girls. haha. And then, as for combat, sigh haha i felt that benji didn't do an excellent job teaching cuz i was really lost here and there. Well i shall not repeat the reason o'er and o'er again, but... he is forgiven. ;p

I'm really blessed. Honestly. Despite certain worries and concerns here and there, i'm still very blessed. Blessed with a wonderful family, awesome friends, opportunities to do things i love, etc etc. What more can i ask in this season of my life? The worries, they just come as a scare. Honestly, they're but symptoms. People, when they worry, it's often concerning things yet to come, based on the symptoms they see. Lets take an example. Lets say, someone is very sick. The people involved do not worry that he is very sick. cuz that's already a fact rite, duh. When they worry, they worry of things that entail the sickness. ie the financial drain, the possibility of death etc etc. All those are not yet come. Therefore people worry, for they're afraid of losing things they still possess, and are dear to them. Well i s'pose that's really the time where we oughta be grounded in the Word of God, and believe that all His promises are yes and amen! For His promises say, that be His stripes we are healed, that with long life He shall satisfy us and show us His salvation, that we shall be above only and not beneath, that we shall be prosperous and have good success, that he shall prosper all we put our hands to, that He shall direct our paths, that the plans He has for us are plans to prosper and not to harm us. etc etc etc.
Ok i have no idea how i digressed, but well i guess i needed to hear that as well.

Oh well, at the end of it, i still opt to believe in my eternal God rather than my temporal circumstances. By the grace of God. Amen.

2005-07-31T22:23:00.000+08:00

I have decided. I shall go to Malacca with me parents nxt mon. :) Oh shoots. I'm supposed to go to learning ladder on that day! Ah well... I'll figure somethin'.
Hmmm i'm SO excited! This coming wk's gonna be so exciting! Haha! Ok not really la, come to think about it. But ah well, tmr i'm going to LL, and then go for my jam and combat class, yea then on tue, erm nowhere as yet. lol. Wed, i'm goin for dinner with Bertrand. Haven't seen him in the longest time. Hmmm, i really thank God, that certain things have happened the way it did. That, i just believe that when i see him now, it's gonna be a very nice meeting, and i'd be so comfortable, and... well be a nice friend la. Praise God! Yea then on thurs there's bs, fri JOHOR MAKAN!!! Yep... haha yea actually that, is the highlight la! haha. I am SO SO excited about it. I love me cg. We cud do evrything together! Almost evrything la. Haha. Anyways i am quite glad tht we're choosing JB makan o'er nite cycling cuz frankly, i'm really not soo keen.. plus, i was right about pa not in favour of me going. Well anyways, it really doesn't matter where we're goin really. Though JB does sound like a good place to go eat and jalan jalan. The most important thing is really just the company! I just soo love to spend time with my cg... Oh no, i'm falling deeper and deeper in love with them! haha!
Okok... movin rite along, yea sat there's gonna be campus! No dance for me nxt wk cuz they're gonna have their championships the following day. Oh anyways for the prev lesson, which was yesterday, i had a really pleasant time. And honestly, i could only thank God for it. Shan't go into details.
Hmmm, and then, sunday, I'm serving! plus, FOP!!! And again, guess who i'm going with! Haha. rite, i do feel that i'm kinda neglecting my parents here. But.. oh well, they understand la. And, it doesn't mean that since i don't go with them, that means that i love them less! Put my family and my friends together, great as my friends are, still my family comes first. Is, and always will be. And therefore, I made the decision to go Malacca with them and forsake my members' party rite? Was quite a decision that i had to make there, but i really thank God that He just opened doors of wisdom to me, to be able to choose firmly, and with little doubt. Praise God!
I feel like talking about yesterday too! the nus retreat at mackenzie. It was awesome. The msg, i still need more revelation la. But evrything else, including the food, games (whereby i was sabo-ed to play... but certainly did have fun up there), the p&w, and the companionship... They were awesome. I really love church, and i can't imagine life without it man.
I am so glad, that this semester is gonna start on a happy joyous note, cuz i have all my darlings in school with me! And more to come! Yaay!

2005-07-29T15:10:00.000+08:00

i love my blog. Honestly. I'm *definitely* by no means tryin' to look like i'm totally obsessed with myself. So not. I just feel, that this outlet is indeed an awesome place for me to express myself, and not bottle up everything till i explode. Newaes, do i care if anyone reads this, and am i concerned of how y'all take what i write? No. Living my life o'er the past quarter of a century, I am so way past bothering and being concerned with how others view me. Ok not way past, but working at it at least. Sucks, that amidst how harsh life can get sometimes, one still double loads oneself with concerns o'er the stupidest unbecoming matter of, Ooh how do others view me? Like, get a life.
The past 2 days, have been vexed for me. O'er papa's matters, which i shall not elaborate, and also o'er my bidding stuff. I absolutely CANNOT believe the absurdity of the bidding system. And how costly psych modules, and now thai too, can get. The fact of the matter is that, eventually, to graduate, i'll HAFTA take those psych modules afterall. So why make it so costly? Stooo-pid.
Ok i'm so not behaving like an woman of power for the hour, as i probably should. But, ah well that's why i need Jesus rite? I noe i ain't got it altogether, and likely would neva ever. He came, not only to redeem the world from sin etc etc; He came, too to save people like me from our seasonal occasional rantings o'er life's apparent morbidity. And, yes the victory is nigh. I know it is come. yet, because of this "I d-o-n-t s-e-e i-t N-O-W" mentality, a million voices yak, and yak, and yak in my head. The fundamentals of WHY, HOW, WHAT etc etc. Wateva. Go on and yak for all i care. The truth will still stand. I AM still VICTORIOUS.
Feel like just getting a pair of super high and pointy stilettos now. *shakes head*You wouldn't think i'm gonna wear 'em rite? Wear 'em and risk terribly injuring myself internally and externally, malu'ating myself front of the people that matter to me in a most indecent poise of walking, on top of 32945835943 other cons of it? NAH. Not prepared to do that in the nxt few yrs at least.
So then, what are they for now? Simple. To trample the antichrist underfoot with all my might! In my former days of taking physics, i did manage to get a concept that a smaller pressure point/area causes greater pressure. And so, the pointier the heel, the better.
See told ya i'd feel better after i let out here. And then in time to come, after i've seen the faithfulness of God in this matter, i'm just gonna review this entry and take a laugh at my own smallness. God is good, whether or not i feel it now.

2005-07-27T22:12:00.000+08:00

Alrite. Tmr will be officially the last day i'd be working. Under adecco that is. Don't know if i made a right decision by telling Joanne tmr's assignment'd be my last one, but, i'm really honestly quite tired of working already. Feel that it is high time i took a break. As in one that's for real, rather than that which occurs only periodically, which i've undertaken so far. And trust me, that ain't breaks at all. A person does not take a break in the knowing that tomorrow's another day at work. Haha. Anyways, me stopping work shall by no means stop God's provisions for me! He loves me more than to make me slog for money! 'sides, i have my learning ladder. Not a lot, but good enough! :D
Okaes, shall keep this entry short and s-weet. Ciao.

2005-07-27T09:45:00.000+08:00

Hah! I contradict myself ONCE AGAIN. Kept goin' on and on about how I totally do not want to work anymore, and the next thing u noe, Joanne calls and I'm like, Errmm ok i think i can make it. How greater a contradiction can i be? Oh well, it's the Monei! I've been so indecisive about choosing between goin' to Malacca, or goin' for my members' nite on 8th Aug. Partially because i'd really love to go for the nite, and of course also cuz of the M factor. I expect that i gotta use quite a deal of money on my books and material when school starts, plus i'm planning a trip overseas with my darlings at the end of the year, plus all the other miscellenous fees and expenditure (eg. shopping!) that may come along, AND THEN this malacca trip... Well i s'pose at the end of it, it really boils down to how keen i am in goin' on this trip. Need revelation. Hah.
Well anyways, whatever it is, God will prosper me. I did some reflections recently, and it just dawned on me, especially when Kelvin shared yesterday on how we as believers only oughta expect more good things and not curses to come when we're so tremendously blessed (TOTALLY related to my recent episode), that even during any trial that we might face, it really doesn't change the fact that God is good, and that we could rejoice in the trial. Christ has redeemed us from every curse of the law, and hence we stand on blessed ground. It really takes a true believer to say that he rejoices in his trial. Because that is definitely not how the world works. Even the bible tells us to glory in trial and tribulation. Very obviously it ain't because our God is sadistic or sthg rite?! It's simply cuz we can expect much greater grace to cover us thru the trial, and emerge out of it more strengthened, saying beyond a shadow o'er doubt, that MY GOD has delivered me out of the hands of my enemies.
I wouldn't say that this has totally sunk deep in my heart yet, but i'm learning. Day by day, i deem my life as a journey of learning, beholding Him as in a mirror, being transformed from glory to glory, with Him, and in Him! Praise Jesus!
Anyways, on a less serious note, i just wanna say, that whenever it comes to the alternate tuesdays, i gotta work extra hard (physically) on mondays and the other days of the week. Because those tuesday evenings are the times where i have great feasts. Like, seriously. Yesterday, we had a cuisine of mainly spicy food. There was, curry, laksa gravy, meesiam, yong tau foo, lucky plaza duck, wrapped chicken, few kinds of soup, yam kueh, english carrot cake, etc etc etc. I can't exactly remember all now. And on top of that, because it was uncle Tony's birthday, we had a super delicious Mango cake! It's sorta like the in-between of an ice cream cake, and a normal sponge cake. Really yummy.
Actually after my first slice of cake, my stomach signalled me that that was just enough. But my greedy mouth refused to give in, and my hands obediently submitted to its craving, reaching for the mouthwatering entity, cutting a slice delicately, and ooohhh savoring every nibble of the scrumptious cake. All this while, my stomach seemed to be begging me to stop. Haha paints a comical picture eh? Well but that was how i felt. At the end of it all, my mouth was feeling so fulfilled, but i was so bloated in the stomach. So much so that the not-so-nice feeling lasted me through the session, and even after that. Hah. The gluttonous nature of ms Pearlyn. And so, this brings home the point that, I gotta work EXTRA hard at attitudes now. haha.

2005-07-25T23:00:00.000+08:00

ok, i have made a conclusion, that i can do nothing without Christ. haha. Yes, sometimes my brain takes a longer time than others to process information. hah! Ah well, for those who expect me to elaborate, i'll hafta apologise humbly *bows* and say, that it's just a general statement made in no reference to A particular event whatsoever which happened. Oh before i go on though, for those who've read my previous entries and are deeply concerned about how i am doing, i'd like to proudly announce, that i'm OK already! Yaay! Praise Jesus. Ya noe, just to side track, during every of the trials that i faced last week, now looking back at it, Christ was really just in EVERY situation. More often than not, whilst i am experiencing a trial or a stumble in my life, i tend to focus of the negativity of the matter, and overlook any hint of goodness in it. But looking back, whoa i could only say that God was faithful. Praise God!
Well, i sorta just returned home from my body combat class, where as usual, there was my eye candy haha. I do know, that if my dear Gwen is reading this entry, she'll definitely *pengz* haha. Ah well...
Well anyway, just now as i looked at him rite, I was just reminded so much of someone once dear to me. Not exactly his looks, though slight partial similarity, but more so his character. Hmmmm..................... it is kinda scary haha. But, well my instructor's much more attractive. haha.
Oh anyway, i so hope i'd be able to go for the members' nite on 8th Aug, though at the same time i wish to go Malacca. What a contradiction. Well i do expect that the party'd be nice. It's like how cool - I got an invitation card! yea i noe, cheap thrill. Oh well, it is good that cheap thrills entertain, for otherwise a person would certainly live an even less than meagre life.
Tomorrow! i'm replacing Sulin at learning ladder from 2-5. Hmmm i really like working there. I sooooo...oo love the kids. Kids, they really rock my world man! Today when i went over, I was so pleasantly surprised when shaughn remembered my name!-after seeing me for the first time last mon, and the second today. And boy did my heart just melt when he went,"Miss Pearlyn!" Shaughn is just such a lovely and intelligent boy. He uses English terms that i wouldn't have come close to using when i was his age. I really just have so much favour with the kids - Henry and Shaughn were kinda like vying for me just now, to an extent that it sorta became a problem for a while. haha. But i was really really happy.
Oh and before that, as in going over to learning ladder, pa accompanied me to adecco jurong west to hand in my timesheet. I was so tempted to try to claim back some cab fare caused by the wrong directions their staff gave me, but well i decided later that i'd give grace. haha. Well i did have a good time with pa though. I'd been so busy with work and stuff last wk, so much so that i really didn't spend quality time with him. So, today was a good catch-up so to speak. Haha i bumped into Jing at Jurong point. Both of us were like "Oh my God" haha. and then when she found out that i was out with my dad, she was more than mildly shocked i think. I guess it's normal la. As far as i know, most of my friends' dads are just ermm dads to 'em. So it's hard for them to understand and relate to the fact that my dad's my friend too! Praise Jesus for my wonderful papa. :D
Well yesterday was my first time serving at the main church ambs counter. It ain't THAT bad afterall la. I'm sure i'll find more grace and fun in the time to come! :D Oh and class outing was quite ok too. Was nice to see how everyone was doing. Somehow rite, i find that Zhehao's changed a lot. for the better i mean. He's now a Christian! But i'm pretty sure my change in opinion about him has nothing to do with the fact that i know he's a Christian. It's just, i s'pose the Christ factor in him that i see in all the awesome guys around me. Praise God la! :D
Anyways, i think i'd better end off this entry soon. Gettin abit too long i'd hafta say! But before that, i just wanna say that, the new mango collection is really nice! REALLY REALLY nice! But... REALLY REALLY ex too! it's really most worth to get during the sale la! Pity it's over. 'else i'd certainly go buy more!
~Me is greatly blessed, highly favoured, deeply loved by my Daddy~

2005-07-23T19:48:00.000+08:00

Psalms23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green [1] pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest [2] my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever. [3]

If walking this valley will make me stronger, and make me know Him more, i walk it. For He is my protector, my Guarantee of overflowing blessings to come! He has promised that He shall anoint my head with oil, ie stronger anointing, and blessings shall come exceedingly, abundantly above all i ask or think. I hold on to that. Lord, i choose to stay in the promised land, and see the harvest of the seed sown. For i do not cling on to things that are temporal, but eternal Lord. Refresh me, Strengthen me, Bring me through. I grab on tightly to Your hand, lean on Your shoulders, and allow You to take my weight and pull me thru. Thank You Jesus.

2005-07-20T17:58:00.000+08:00

it came. sigh. my evil day really came. sigh sigh. WHY must there be trial and tribulation? Such a rough day today. If i thought yesterday was bad, today's horrid. sigh. i don't even know where to start from. sigh. Sigh. Just feel totally drained now. Sigh. Restoration in Jesus' name Amen! i refuse to walk by sight. I am still the Blessed and Beloved. no-matter what. sigh.

2005-07-18T20:31:00.000+08:00

w.e.l.l. i had a very blessed, rich day today. Starting from the workout at California fitness, to the SUPER DUPER spicy hokkien mee, to the attempt of borrowing umbrella from john, to the 'interview' at learning ladder, to really starting work there, whoooo.... it was, A Day man. Ok noone would know exactly what i'm talking about here, cuz i'm not elaborating. but oh well, it ain't exactly important so it's ok. The whole point, is that i'm just so blessed! Well i'm not the kind of person who goes to party all night at places like zouk with like the "hippest" people so to speak around; i'm not a person who lives a life of natural glam, as i'd always did fantasize and imagine when i was younger, like ya noe, me as the richest one, the one most in the limelight, an aspiring successful career woman, etc etc. Yet rite, though in reality i don't exactly live such a life, i'm so contented, and so happy. Because i live a Blessed Glorious life! A life of true joy! not totally based on material fulfillments! Heee Praise Jesus!

2005-07-17T21:12:00.000+08:00

Praise Jesus! Today's svs was really good, and i am so glad that i went in the end. Praise Jesus.
Hmmm... i've been thinking about campus svs yesterday, and i realise, that ya, many times i still tend to go by my self glorification. it is often when i'm so tremendously blessed, that it is so easy to slip into a prideful mentality. In the sense that i start to take pride and glory in the gift or blessing that God had given me, and start focusing on the blessing itself, rather than the Blesser. How subtle it is, that honestly if deacon didn't bring it up, i really wouldn't in the longest years reflect upon that. There is still so much to learn in His Kingdom, really. In Pet 5:5 it says, "God gives resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble" and goes on to say, Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting ALL your care upon Him, for He cares FOR YOU!
I mean, thank God for righteousness teaching, that i know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He does not condemn me. Yet, i choose to want to continue learning and learning in His Kingdom, that each time after a fall, i just pick myself up, grow stronger, and move on. Praise Jesus!
Well anyways, recently i've really been feeling very very very tremendously happy. I've seen so many, or could i say, almost all my dreams being fulfilled in this holidays; I've seen God work in my life in such a scale; I've seen how God brought me closer to people; I've seen how I'm so changed; I've seen... so much, to an extent that even as i'm typing this, i'm in such awe, that tears are almost welling up. He is so real as my Abba Daddy God, whom i can so easily call and cry out to when i need Him.
Yet, there's been a certain sense of fear in me. Fear of all these ending; fear of going back to a monotonous life as school starts; fear simply, that my blessings will be taken from me, and that my trial will come. I know that i shouldn't fear, but there's just been this ominous sense in me. Praise Jesus though, that He is just slowly showing me truths and revelations about that. As in the 'renewal of mind' kind of revelations, and not the 'ok, i know' kind. Because honestly, in the theoretical sense, i do know that i shouldn't worry about that because He loves me too much, etc etc. But when it comes to, as deaconess lian puts it, crunch time, it really boils down to 'what i really believe'. Praise Jesus, that such revelations are starting to sink in truly, that he won't test me beyond what i can be put through, and that the gifts and callings (blessings) in my life are irrevocable! Praise Jesus, that even as i'm typing this, i just feel such a set free. Praise Jesus!! Wooohoooooo!!! Hey truly! Haha!! Praise God!!! Hahahahahaha.... :D
Haha, ooh anyway, i just wanna share about my dance class yesterday! Haha! It was fun! Keke... the guys there are not so bad to dance with afterall. Haha :D The name is, paso doble. (pear-so do-bay) yep, that's how u pronounce it. Turns out that i still was wearing wrong footwear, despite my attempt and effort of specially shopping for a pair of heels with strap. My heels were the fat kind, as in not glamourous, and the others' heels were, ya noe, sleek high stilettos, that obviously cost much more than my pair of sandals. Hah! Ah well, if i decide that i want to continue with more courses, then i'll consider buying a pair of good, proper dance stilts. But, so far so good. And, it's another of my dreams fulfilled! Yaay!
Oh, i'm supposed to plan a trip to bangkok at the end of the year. Haha can u believe, i actually volunteered myself! *ponderwz* Anyway, it's darn exciting so i don't mind!!! Yaay! I absolutely adore my care group!!! yaay!
Oh i served at the ambs counter for the first time yesterday! it was... hmmm... easy afterall... heh. Praise Jesus that He gives me the grace to do it! :D
And, the fellowship i had today with Eileen, Janice, Cyndy, Chloe, and Geri at cafe cartel, it was ooohhh fantabulous!!! hahaha! All the lovely people in my life! Particularly love what i read in Joan's blog recently. That all the lovely people in her life are all blessings from God. It's true. I DON'T, for one moment, deserve these people in my life, yet because He loves me, hence He places them with me, to bless my life. And He places them there so i could love them too. Ooh so precious.

2005-07-13T23:20:00.000+08:00

i had the strangest and most absurd dream today. Just before i awoke. It Is Really Absurd. (in which i'm so not even contemplating to share about) ha! But well, i did learn something from it though; which re-establishes my conviction about some stuff. More so from the tremendous sharing from Jo just now during the 'dinner' with the cg babes. I specially highlight 'dinner' because i ended up paying an amount which i can have a good filling dinner just on desert. Simply because i was too full from the extremely late lunch to eat any staple food. NOw pondering on which simply makes me appear... well... unwise.. ha!
Anyways, whilst on the way to holland v just now, (in which i was slightly more than a bit late haha) i had a very precious time of fellowship with my Daddy God. And He just really brought me to the awareness of how my life is taking such a turn even at this very point of it. The beauty in me that He is just emphasizing, flourishing, and making even myself realise. That i am not just called to a life of ordinary-ness. That my life is special, unique, and that i'm not someone of no talent. It really blessed my heart so much to realise that for one of the first times in my life. For years, i've lived life just being very ordinary, with little talent to show apart from the apparent keen-ness in my academics. And even so, i was never happy with those 'so-called' achievements, not forgetting that it only did hold in the earlier years of my life till JC. Each time then, i'd be the pride of my family in comparison with my brothers, the epitome of success in the family. Nonetheless, deep in my heart of hearts, i did not see myself even close to that. Yes, in terms of academics, i far excelled my brothers. Yet in terms of the other aspects of life, natural strengths, i so envied my brothers, especially Clifton. He was capable in leadership, had an excellence in sports, and just everything you could ask for. It never did come to a point of jealousy, in which i praise God for, but i certainly did wish i was more talented. I woulda always shunned at the most dreaded question from my peers. "so, what do u like to do in your free time?" that, never did fail to put me into condemnation cuz there was really nothing in particular that i enjoyed, and found pleasure and satisfaction doing. The furthest i ever did go, in search of an excuse for myself, is simply "oh, i enjoy spending time with my family" I still do, don't get me wrong, and i find that such a precious ministry. Yet, apart from which, there was really nothing in deeds that i was capable in doing. Ok i believe i have gotten my point across and so i shall not continue going in circles, as i feel that i am now haha!
Well, yea i was just talking about how i was given the honour to spend time with my King rite, haha and i drifted so far! Anyway, ya i was just brought into the consciousness of how i'm realising so many of my dreams now, and how He's just showing me of talents and interests i never did discover of myself; how there is a spirit of excellence in certain things that i do, how people just come up to me to tell me that i am talented in a so and so area etc. Praise God! Not only that, i TOTALLY enjoy the things that He has placed in my hands. T.O.T.A.L.L.Y. i realise that i'd been so focused in the wrong things previously to a point that it brought me so much disappointments and dissatisfaction. But He is just now restoring everything, showing me how i am a person with keen-ness in the areas of aesthetics, and not... whatever opposite of it (can't find a correct word haha). And He's just opening so many doors and avenues whereby i could explore and excel so much in these talents. I marvel at His love for me.

2005-07-12T15:01:00.000+08:00

rite. i am currently a bored, and highly contradictary Pearlyn. feeling so much of an urge to nap, yet am very obviously bothered by the fact that i'd just eaten my lunch, and the common, all-too-familiar saying that it is NO GOOD to sleep right after a meal. A full one especially for that matter. Oh darn. And so, i'm just lingering around the house, wandering, wondering what ought i do now. My fingers are itching indeed, yearning for the very tempting keyboard inside pa's room. but ah well, i'd been fumbling on it the entire morning, well since i was awake at least, that i feel that it is totally not acceptable to start again this soon. Of course i'm also made aware that pa is taking his nap now, after his repeated failures from persuading me to take mine and stop disturbing him *grins* ok he did success in the second part afterall, when i finally decided that it was pointless rattling non stop when he was obviously keen on getting some desired sleep.
So, i'm brought back to square one now. i am bored.
Oh well, since this is MY blog, i realise i am at the liberty to write anything, rubbish or not, in here. and the fact that i am so lazy to lift up a pen makes me wanna type here even more. I have indeed realised, that typing IS so much friendlier than writing. At least when i type, noone is able to see my hideous messiness, which i myself can't stand at times, and try to deduce my character based on a couple of strokes of the pen. How dumb is that? They have a name for that field of 'study'. Lemme see, something that starts with the letter 'S' if i'm not mistaken. Ah heck, do i bother? I would go to the extent of saying that it is very interesting. but to say that i believe in it, well maybe not. Same goes with astrology, fortune telling and the like. It certainly so does not make any sense to let the stars and a couple of frauds dictate the nature of my life. My life is dictated by God and Him alone, and i am happy at that, thankyouverymuch.
Ooh suddenly a picture just flashed across my head. "me going to dine at a dim sum restaurant" O...K...! Hmmm... Movin' right along......
Now, what? rite. i do suppose that some form of more interesting content would do good here. And so, i shall attempt to expound more about God in my life here. What else is there to say? if u my dear reader are not concerned with that and perhaps would like some juicier topics like who's dating who, or *i dunno* any other thing apart from God working in my life, then, i'm sorry that i'd hafta disappoint. Ok here goes.
I am constantly living in such awe of His goodness in my life. I'd never dreamt that there'd be a day where i believed in this Saviour, much less make Him the Essence of my life. It has really come to a point where i feel that it is so hard to doubt that He exists anymore. When i do get the opportunity to share with anyone about my life, He always takes the centre stage. He is all which keeps me together, keeps me strong and going, even in the times of my trials. He is my everything, my substance amidst my emptiness. I am no longer like the rest of the dying world, crying out desperately for salvation from the viles of darkness. I cry, but i cry out to Him. I am not without trials. To be very real, sometimes i feel that the trials scream to overtake me, to just devour me. But each and every time, my God is faithful in line with His promises that He is my victory.
I'm ashamed to say however, that i am often not faithful in many things, in spending time in His word, and I'm so not a person of inummerable revelations all the time. Yet He loves me for who i am, and that is so precious. Because in the natural, many times i don't like the Pearlyn that i see. But because of His love, i can live life naked, real in front of my KING.
When my world threatens to crumble on me, I can just run into His arms of warmth. And He is always there to let me know once again how so He loves me. That amidst the horrendous reality of emotions that always tangle me and my heart, He secures me. I love You Lord. More than anything.
My purpose in living life, is only to show You in my life. Which i am and have. Praise You Jesus.

2005-07-12T00:27:00.000+08:00

hmmm i just visited kenneth's blog, and got so inspired. Like, really, he is such a man of GOD, whose faith just moves mountains. And each time i feel not so good, i can always expect to feel better upon visiting his blog, and looking at the amazing things he shares about. Such a young yet mature heart for GOD.
It's like, i really really appreciate all my Kingdom friends. They're just so so amazing. and so different, from the people of the world. :) yaay!

2005-07-11T23:50:00.000+08:00

ok i'm embarrassed to say this, but.... aiyoh that instructor is really like damn hot la! when he doesn't speak... haha... and like today he didn't talk a lot of rubbish so like... *melts* ...i like men of few words... seriously... haha...
hmmmm... anyways, today i went to gwen's place to learn piano.... Finally my dream come true!!!! like.... woohooooo.... God is good man!
Haha Hehe... and like we really talked a lot... ok i paraphrase... i really talked a lot... haha... well.. but really had such a blessed time with her lor... praise God... that like we could share with each other about GOd and everything... whoa!!! like... i nv dreamt that i'd have a close fren thru nus la... but really, Praise GOD!

2005-07-08T00:02:00.000+08:00

i feel that i'm in the middle of a season now, where i don't noe what lies ahead of me... i noe things are gonna be good... only that i'm in anxious anticipation of it...... hmmmmm...... am i contradicting myself? hmmmm...... wateva.

2005-07-06T18:45:00.000+08:00

my blog, a journal of my life. a life that God has so wonderfully and fearfully created. every life He creates, tells a story; a unique story of its own. Pictures, so beautifully painted, with the myriad of colours on the palette; the magnificent colours the Artist so chooses. He looks into the palette, then carefully blends each colour to give its own uniqueness, and character, to paint glorious pictures specially for each particular season, each particular chapter of the book. As He delighteths, He painteths. Each picture is different; all in different genres. Yet, all are perfect and spotless in His eyes. Every onlooker lookeths and sees. Not all love His pieces; not all are appreciative. For they are blinded by other affairs of the world. As they take a little breather and sit to observe each and every piece of work, every single story, such beauty unfolds. Every story, through the countless turning of events, it all rounds up telling the story of the Artist Himself. Every story, encompasses such glory and magnificence, that the reader can only see upon completion of the book. Such, is the glory of the Lord.

Ok anyway, i just wanna say, that my life, it's so... hmmm... whoa... i also dunno what to say about it... I just see so much of His brush strokes on me, on my story. It's such that i can't even start explaining it. For the magnificence, it's awesome. So breathtaking. Which only i can appreciate it to the fullest. I'm just waiting waiting... for the Lord to unveil more of His works to me... Whoa.... :)

2005-07-06T00:59:00.000+08:00

in times of boredom, this is what i do... haha... oh did i mention get into the Word? SO Blessed!!!

2005-07-06T00:55:00.000+08:00

ya noe, i was SO tempted to say "good afternn yellow pages" so many times... like, i had to stop short and change to "good afternn volvo east asia" haha lucky i nv made the mistake out aloud... haha

2005-07-06T00:51:00.000+08:00

i do look like a receptionist... rite? haha... so so so much favour to an extent i can't believe, Lord!! Praise Jesus!

2005-07-06T00:50:00.000+08:00

with style, at the volvo reception counter... being bored to an extent that i took out my phone to 'capture moments' haha

2005-07-05T23:13:00.000+08:00

helloooosssss.... i'm back.... and i'm a happy Pearlyn once again... ya noe, i got my thoughts straightened out last nite... after being bitter for like 2 days... i figured, that, " having a lot of money is so very very very very important, but having my daddy dearest by my side always is sthg which is priceless" and like, i really feel as if i'm the richest girl around now... like, really i have the most precious thing with me now... the treasure of treasures... my beloved papa... :D
and though like such a good pay raise would be able to satiate all my material needs and wants, i noe that it's just gonna keep me happy for a while... for i won't be happy if my daddy isn't around to share the joy with me... and so, the sacrifice of time for money.... nah.... God does have better plans! and so, it did turn out a testimony afterall... after how i questioned so much... in that 2 bitter days, about what testimony can such a thing bode.... but, GOD is GOOD!
Ooohhh... and..... haha i wish i could be a receptionist longer... it's not so tough afterall... really erased my fear of being a receptionist.... oohhh... I Love my life... GOD is GOOD! :D

2005-07-04T00:55:00.000+08:00

Alrite. God does have better plans for me. For He knows the plans He has for me, plans to prosper me not to harm me, to give me a hope and a future. The Life He has brought is an abundant life! I refuse to believe that this door which is open is gonna be shut in my face. because for sure He has better plans for me and my family! And He does not lie! AMEN!!

2005-07-03T21:47:00.000+08:00

i, am at a lost for words. really. i don't noe what to say. what to make out of this. sthg so close, yet is now so far. weary, dreary are the days of the past. the days of living from end to end. a chance to end it all. to double my restoration. yet, a chance given up, a choice not made. sigh. how my heart aches. like a knife that's stabbed thru it. ouch. yet i could do nothing. it's not a matter of my choice. sigh.
well, maybe God has a better plan la. sigh. can't help it. sorry.

2005-07-03T00:45:00.000+08:00

praise Jesus.... i had a great time with my cg today.. o'er dinner... somewhat... haha for me la that is... we went to delifrance bistro at suntec basement... had such a great time... especially when xuehui was fooling tat hwan... haha... then it just got more and more out of point... it's like rite, i really love my church frens... like really... i love my cg... like can i emphasize further? haha... hmmm as jac said, cg's like family.... praise God! oohh... of course.... i love the babes from jc west a too la.... need i even start? haha... well the guys there... hmmm... don't really noe them that well la... but ya... ppl like jac, yinshan, jia.... u gals rock! heeheee...
hmmm well, i saw joshua Lee at campus just now... hmmm quite shocked... but well... Praise God la! :)
hahaha... ya noe what, i think i'm really maturing in the Lord... praise Jesus! like just now, when i was held up by the stupid road block... i managed to get out of the frustration very easily... like under normal circumstances, i'd be VERY frustrated... esp since i was already late to begin with... but really, praise Jesus... after that very brief moment of frustration, i just began to praise Him there and then... and like it really dawned on me that it's not my circumstances that shows how much He loves me... but it's just simply by His finished work on the cross... that is the basis of His love for me... and i just remained so much in His joy... :) whoa... then later on in the svs, deacon said exactly that! which like so confirmed the word! Praise God!
Oohh... i'm gonna be holding communion nxt cg... alamak... john la... sabo... ah well... i'm SURE God will give me abundant grace to be able to lead it well! Amen! :)

2005-07-01T00:31:00.000+08:00

blessed blessed day with the babes today... rox grew taller!!! zy looks prettier, jing has an accent! laura and balo... not much diff... duh... they're still always in Singapore... haha... well well... still feels so much the same... the good ol' AC times! the times where i liked Pearlyn. My character then... not that i don't like mine now la... in fact i love it now... haha... but in terms of some certain things... well i'm just no longer the Pearlyn i thought i once knew... dunno if that's a good thing... oh well... only i will know what i'm referring to haha...
it's like, in the hols, i'm just so blessed... so... happening... but... sigh... when school starts, i just have this inherent fear, that all will be taken from me... lyk, i noe i shouldn't feel that la... lyk Christ has given me and life of fulfillment, blessing etc... but... well well.... i cast this care to Him la! :)
Hmmm i was at bs just now... sang this song "You are so beautiful, to me..." really touched my heart... like really, all that i ever want and so desire... all of it is found in Him... it's what noone else can fulfill... really blessed me... heehee... :)

2005-06-30T00:30:00.000+08:00

Hahaha.... well well... at least my hair is one color now... haha... just got it dyed... by my wonderful papa... and like... i don't exactly see a very prominent color change? haha... well well... ahh nvm...
today, i spent such a great time with pa... finally he didn't have night class today... so like could spend the entire day with me!!! yaaay!! we went to so several places... starting from town, ending at mustafa... so blessed... really, to have my dearest papa as... my dearest papa... haha...
hmmm... thru just now, amidst the blessedness, i just suddenly pondered over my character and papa's character... how it really differs so so much.... like, the life that we lead... or would love to lead... it's just so different... like... the circle of people we mix with... so different... he... as i always say... is complicated... and me... i'm very simple... haha... yea... it's like... if we're not like father and daughter rite, it's hard to imagine that two people as different as us could become best pals! It's like... hmmm.... the sun meeting the moon? haha...
But......... well well well.... what do u noe? He's like my best-est friend in the whole wide world now... and i'm his best-est friend too.... heeeee..... like... our relationship, it's not hindered by our social life... our circle of frens... our every difference... it's just AMAZING! I'm just so blessed to have my daddy... :)

2005-06-28T00:00:00.000+08:00

great... i'm like down with this stupid cold... that made me unable to go for the chalet... but.... after hearing from jason that it was like not so great afterall, well haha i'm feeling better already alrite... haha... well was watching spy kids on tv just now... (to keep me distracted... helpful!) was kinda real cool i thought... haha... my kiddish instincts... oh did i forget to say, that i was so delighted when i was watching sesame street just now? like after so many yrs, it's still the same!!! haha... nostalgia nostalgia!
Hmmm i was basically like stuck at home the entire day today... me, my computer, my bed, and my tv... of course my marvelous family came home.... Later.... so like most of the day was really just me me me... haha...
ohh well much as i'd want to continue about my time at home today, i really think i need to go get sleep now...
so..... tata....

2005-06-26T22:35:00.000+08:00

i saw dearie Allinda today!!! Yaay!!! ya noe i really really really love her smile!!!!!! YAaY!!! what a good start to my day!!! although prior to that i kinda got lost... but well that's another thing altogether.... haha... YAAY!!!

2005-06-24T22:50:00.000+08:00

Oh!! i haven't shared about this yet!!!!! u noe yesterday? woooooohoooo... God is so good! Tsunami of Blessings after a stupid trial! see i was walking with pa at the carrefour fair downstrs... then we passed the Creative booth... and like i saw the newest creative zen neeon... and like i just made some enquiries about it and stuff... cuz it's really been on my mind to get myself an mp3 player... like, was thinking of an ipod mini pink... and in fact, i'd set my mind on a 3 mth plan already... such that i'd save $100 plus per month and i'll get it at the end of 3 mths... had given up on trying to find like cheap deals a long time ago... was always fruitless... haha
then rite, ya noe i was just so stuck at the booth la... and kept asking the guy a lot of qns... i'll come to talk more about this guy later... haha... i found out that the price of it is a bit lower than an ipod mini... and like it's 5gb not 4... and there's fm receiver... and like the LED lights are really kewl... yea... oh well... just as i was about to turn away from the booth... my dad suddenly just went sthg like "u pay 229 then i pay the rest k?" (price 329) whoa... that is quite a bit of diff la... and like i agreed la... so like we just made payment there la... whoa... and... my 3 mth plan just'd become reality la! and like the features are in fact better than ipod... do i hafta mention that ipod accessories have killer prices too? haha... yea... so, like... woohoooo..... ok speaking about the guy who served me... hmmm... he was so... nervous la... the entire time... i noticed his hands like shaking when he was like packing my stuff and getting my freebies for me etc... it's really odd to see a guy rxt this way la... thought only ppl like me do that... haha... i was so tempted to just tell him to relax but decided against it cuz i figured that might actually worsen things haha... but well, his svs was really good i'd hafta say... really appreciated it.. :)
Hmmm anyways, back to the main thing... it's like really God la... that i actually went for bs yesterday... like with pa and ma... cuz i was actually thinking of attending on fri (so that i can collect my bday present from debs... which lies another testimony as well.. haha..) ... where my dad won't be there to bless me.. haha...
hmmm... the deborah testimony... hiyo i'm kinda lazy to share now... haha maybe i'll share that some other time or what.. when i'm talking like real life... haha.. :)
Anw i'm just blessed la! :) Amen!!

2005-06-24T22:16:00.000+08:00

hahahahahahaha.... hmmmm, i just came back from a super powerpack session of badminton, cum dinner, cum pool... hahaha.... so funny... hahahaha.... the 4 hour badminton was with jason, zhiwei, ermm.. guo qing, clifton, gwen and myself... oh later jason and zhiwei played with enghong and meiyun too... so odd... between the 4 of them there's really a lot of tension leh i sensed... wah... especially when jason was talking to eng hong later... i just felt that i couldn't stand like a metre nxt to them... tension and hostility was subtly obvious... obviously subtle... whatever... hmmm... so i always maintain my stand... it's not good to get involved in like committee stuff... conflict is so bound to arise... even between real nice people individually... hahha... so, i shall continue being my semi part time involved member... haha...
anyways... yea i was talking about badminton... whoa... when the 4 guys played.... whoa it was like.... whoa... haha.... they were super good la... haha and when my poor brother was playing with me and/or gwen.... haha... i knew there was just no kick for him... esp when playing with me... hahah... rephrasing what he said, the ball hardly crosses back to his side... hmph! haha...
hmmm, ok after the super siong badminton episode, we bathed, and jason gwen clifton and myself went over to bukit timah mkt to have dinner... ooohhh satay beehoon... yummyumm! haven't had that in a while... at first clifton was so... hmmm... shy? yea cuz he didn't exactly noe my frens... but later on... oh well i think he loosened up... esp during pool! hahahaha... that was when it really was so gao siao! like... all of us couldn't stop laughing la... like at all the silly flops we'd make... it was really funny... and like we were talking about this jaw drop issue... super funny... i think i'm just so blessed to noe the both of them... they're so nice... and interestingly funny... hahaha... and like i was just so free with them... free to behave in my very childish ways... haha which was a bit embarrassing.... haha but who cares! haha... Praise Jesus la! i'm just having so much fun in the hols! always so! and more to come! Ooohh and i'm serving this sun... ok a bit of an overload... but well... God is good! and i have an anionting with children! so instead of being drained further, i shall be refreshed by the kiddies!!! Amen!
Hmmm... ooohh and i can't wait for the chalet to come nxt wk... think it's gonna be fun! :D

2005-06-22T23:09:00.000+08:00

Lord, You ARE amazing! really... i am just so blessed by colin's sharing over the email... so blessed... Lord, even as i feel that i've failed so utterly, Lord i still can live this life of Your grace... because You don't judge me... and in Your eyes i'm still Your precious Pearlyn... in whom You're well pleased... Lord... such amazing Love, amazing grace, that i just don't fathom... i'm so in awe of You!